The World I Used To Know
by rowanred81
Summary: Continuation of the storyline from Teenage Dirtbag and Wake Me Up When September Ends. September came and went, leaving Chloe and Max in a dire place. Where will they go from here, and where will here end up being?
1. Chapter 1

**The World I Used To Know**

 **Part One – My Heart**

 **Song by Paramore, acoustic version**

 **Note - The prior story, Wake Me Up When September Ends, has been edited along with this story to meet the canon names of Max's parents for continuity purposes. I'm working on doing so for all the other stories but if I have some variation of "Max's father" or "Max's Mother" I am leaving it be.**

 **October 12, 2012**

"Uh, hey. I'm Chloe," the bluenette said under the harsh lighting of the otherwise dim room, wincing as she instinctively tugged her beanie down a couple inches. _The spotlight bullshit does_ not _help make this any easier._

"Yeah, we know!" someone in the darkness beyond her says, "You said it already!"

"…I'd like to…Goddamnit, I'd like to dedicate this song to my girlfriend who is dealing with, um, serious medical issues right now," Chloe's voice breaking up a bit as she thought of Max. At the mention of medical problems, the crowd hushed as the house guitarist began to play the opening chords.

Nodding with the rhythm of the house band's acoustic guitar, Chloe took her seat on the stool provided and began to sing "My Heart" by Paramore, having to concentrate to prevent her voice from quaking under her own emotions. Fidgeting with her hands to try and give her nerves some outlet, Chloe let the music and a memory of Max from her candlelit bath take hold as she let go. _Finish this song up, Chloe. Do it for yourself, and for Max._

"…This heart, it beats, beats for only you…my heart, my heart is yours…," Chloe lets out with a beautiful somberness, her feelings transferring themselves into the words she sang.

Max had been in a catatonic state for a little over a month, and Chloe was at the emotional equivalent of her wits' end. Tired every day, plagued with little or no sleep at all, Chloe felt herself fading away as she watched the girl who'd taken her heart stare off into somewhere Chloe was unable to see. She wanted to drag Max back out of whatever the brunette's was stuck in, find some means of tearing down whatever had triggered the wall in Max's head. Wiping at her eyes, having started to cry halfway into the song, Chloe silently got off the stage without acknowledging anyone in the club and headed out the back door with a cigarette already lit. _Fucking hell, Max. Why can't you just, I don't know, wake up or whatever? You lay there and you sit there as cold as a fucking cod. I help your dad take care of you, sure, you don't know what this is like for me. You're somewhere I can't reach or go to and I'm left with what feels like remains or a goddamn echo, dude. It's…It's not fair._

"I'm back, Papa Caulfield," Chloe said, her voice faltering as she saw Max sitting in the living room. The TV wasn't playing, not that it mattered. _She doesn't respond to anything and her dad and I are both pretty much done trying to pretend everything is alright._ Ryan Caulfield had put up more of brave face than Chloe imagined anyone else could; Chloe had tried to match his strength only to hate herself whenever she fell apart.

Slipping out of her jacket and boots, Chloe took her beanie off and playfully tugged into onto Max's head. She wanted Max to turn her head and look up at Chloe with the smile that typically melted the bluenette; instead, Max just continued to stare forward as though nothing had happened at all. _Nothing did happen, at least to her. I wish sometimes the accident…no, that's not fucking right. Goddamnit, Chloe, she_ is _in there somewhere. Wishing the worst to save yourself grief is why Max disappeared for so long. Giving up isn't allowed anymore, no matter how much you might want it._ Nodding over at Ryan Caulfield in silent greeting, Chloe scooped Max in her arms and headed toward the bathroom.

"D'you remember when I surprised the hell out of you with all the candles and shit?" Chloe asked a silent Max as she washed the brunette, "The glow on your face was pretty fucking…you were amazing, Max. _Are_ amazing. Can't…Can't you just wake up, Max? Why can't you just come back to me? Blink your eyes, smile – do _something_!"

"Chloe?" Ryan Caulfield asked, knocking on the door getting Chloe's attention. "You okay?"

"…I'm fine. No, wait," Chloe said, getting up from alongside the tub to open the bathroom door, "I know that this is usually my turf, Mr. Caulfield-"

" _Ryan_."

"…I know this is my gig, but could you do it tonight? I just can't right now."

Not waiting for a response, Chloe slid between the open doorway and Max's father before walking as quickly to the balcony as she could. Pulling out her cigarettes with shaking hands, Chloe swore after dropping her smokes. Bending down, Chloe's knees gave way and she found herself leaning against the railing with tears running down her face.

"I…I need you, Max. I need you hella bad, babe. Please…Please come back to me…," Chloe's voice was barely a whisper as she brought a cigarette to her lips and closed her eyes. _I'm an eighteen year-old helping take care of my girlfriend. I should be frolicking with Max through Seattle or some shit like that. Well, maybe not "frolicking". More like barreling through Seattle, heh._

* * *

 **October 13, 2012**

"Chloe! Your smoke break was over five minutes ago! Come on, before you get threatened with being fired again," Lizzie said as she waved the punk standing across from the back door of Sonic Boom Records.

"Yeah, yeah. I _heard_ you five minutes ago when you warned me to get back inside the first time," Chloe said, running a hand through her dyed hair before snuffing out her cigarette on the heel of her boot. _Back to the grindstone, Chloe Price. Fake-ass smile? Check. Pleasant disposition? Fuck no_. Pushing herself off the wall she'd been leaning against, Chloe crossed the small alleyway and stepped back into the music store where she was currently employed. _The vinyl and CDs are the only thing here that keep me from going on a fucking killing spree, I swear._

Brightly illuminated from a combination of overhead fluorescents and windows from end to end of the storefront, Chloe's newest endeavor was the most successful of the jobs she had tried since moving to Seattle. _One week is better than two days. I feel kinda shitty for getting Max's friends in trouble at that restaurant, getting me a job there only for me to start tossing shit around, but…it was just too much of a mistake. I should have thought about how much it'd hurt to work in the same place that Max had worked at. Every fucking reminder hurts. God, what am I doing? I should be in school._

Blackwell Academy had sent her an email a week after she had come up to Seattle, informing her that she had been taken off the class roster. While understanding of her situation, Principal Wells had made it clear that she would not be graduating unless she returned immediately. When Chloe had opted to stay in Seattle, Wells had emailed her one more time to give his best wishes and hoped she would return the next semester or school year. _Even if I come back in January I still won't graduate, dude. Your common sense is right there with your asstastic taste in art – you have none._ Chloe felt bad, knowing that she had disappointed her mom in effectively dropping out. Joyce had understood, but she missed Chloe and wanted the best for her daughter.

"Quit looking at the clock, Chloe, or time will freeze and you'll be eternally fucked," Lizzie said as she gestured for Chloe to take the register, "You have all of a couple hours left. You'll live."

"This is fucking corporal punishment," Chloe said to her coworker, voice lowered so that only Lizzie could hear as she came back to her senses from her thoughts on school, "I request a stay of execution."

"At least register duty includes playlist control. Just…no more screamo today, alright? Please?"

"One does not defy she who wields the power," Chloe said, tilting her head so she was staring down at the shorter girl with a foreboding look, "My hella evil genius prevails, Liz."

Leaning against the register as she watched potential customers come in throughout the next two hours, Chloe would snap out of her thoughts momentarily whenever an irritated patron would tap their fingers on the counter. _I have to be on my best behavior_ , Chloe thought, _Shame I lost that last week when I started working here, eheheh_. Looking at the clock, Chloe let out a deep breath. _I literally have five minutes. How the fuck does that happen, time passes only to watch it crawl so damn much? Redonkulous._ Chloe heard the door chime go off and turned to see her guests for the weekend arrive in an awkward cluster.

"Come to save me?" Chloe asked, a faint grin on her face at the sight of familiar faces.

"Repent, sinner," Kate said, chuckling as she led the trio of girls over to where Chloe presided over the register, "Hey, Chloe."

"Hey yourself, Kate," Chloe said, accepting Kate's open arms with a hug while looking over at the other girls, "Hey, Rachel. _Victoria_."

Chloe felt a knot of pain in her chest at the sight of Rachel Amber. _She's never going to fucking let up, I swear. What did she expect, for me to stay down in Arcadia Bay while Max wastes away up here?_ Chloe's and Rachel's friendship had been rocky for the past two weeks, Chloe choosing to deflect from Rachel continuing to bring up the idea of Chloe returning to Arcadia Bay.

"Do you really think that I'm going to just fucking leave Max behind?" Chloe had asked Rachel, the girls sitting in Chloe's truck after Ryan Caulfield had driven back to the brownstone with Max on the brunette's birthday.

The check-up had revealed nothing new, Max still in a stupor and unresponsive to anything around her much to Chloe's heartbreaking disappointment. It had been three weeks since Max's accident, and nearly as much time since Chloe had driven up to Seattle. Starting off only as a visit, Chloe had refused to head back when Joyce had called her. Her mother talking to Max's father, Chloe had been invited to stay in the Caulfields' home as long as she needed. Rachel had not been happy at this turn of events, and didn't have a problem expressing her feelings.

"I just can't believe that you would up and go, Chloe. That's all," Rachel said, her voice a little plaintive, "Max is my friend, too, but so are _you_. You're dropping everything, Chloe. _Everything._ "

"Rachel, I'm not fucking disappearing. Jesus Christ, you need to fucking chill. What the hell would you do if this were Frank?" Chloe asked, looking over to see Rachel avoid her eyes, "Do you even love him?"

"I…well, that's-"

"How can you sit there and talk about how I might be making a mistake in staying here for my girlfriend, someone _I love_ , when you don't even know how I'm feeling? Rachel, why are you being like this?" Chloe asked, not knowing if it was anger or disappointment she was feeling more. When Rachel didn't answer, Chloe just scoffed before driving them both to the brownstone. _Do you even hear yourself, Rach? Maybe Max was right to be jealous of you, Rachel. I've never seen you like this. Did a switch get flipped or something?_

Chloe hardly ever heard from the brunette for the past couple of weeks, her last real conversation with Rachel being their argument on Max's birthday. The bluenette wanted to mend whatever was going on between herself and Rachel. _Rachel had my back for so long_ , Chloe thought, _and then I bail. I…I'm doing to her what I had bitched to her about for years. I guess I can see where she's coming from, but it's different. The reasons, ugh, she fucking knows why I'm up here!_

Chloe leaned over the register further to hold onto Kate with another hug, the only girl or their little group to not hang back at the door. Chloe was thankful for the shy blonde being so compassionate towards her and the situation she was in. Chloe needed friends who were more understanding, what with her and Rachel in a weird place. _Kate's always too fucking nice, managing to drag Rachel's odd-ball ass back up here. Little shy-as-fuck angel, why didn't we hang sooner?_

Where Rachel had pulled away over the past month, Victoria had surprisingly begun to reach out. _Heh, what alternate universe is this where I'm actually happier to see Victoria than a girl I've been friends with for nearly four years?_ Coming up around the same time that Chloe had when Max had admitted to the hospital, Chloe had shared glares and biting remarks with the blonde as they leaned on opposite sides of the waiting room hallway. As the visits increased, their animosity turned into a begrudging admittance that they both cared about Max. With Chloe solidly in girlfriend territory, Victoria and Chloe had been working on the start to an amenable truce between themselves for Max's sake. _Still a totally elitist shit, though. Satan in a fucking cashmere sweater, this one._

"Vic," Chloe said, jerking her chin up in greeting, "I'm assuming that your car has a top-notch security system."

"Why do you ask me that?" Victoria asked, lowering her sunglasses to peer at the bluenette over her smoked lenses, "And it is _Victoria._ I hate that fucking nickname."

"You have the nicest car on the block, _Vic_ toria," Chloe said as she sighed in relief at her shift finally being up. Letting go with a brief happy dance from behind the counter, Chloe began to relax as she now only had to wait for one of the other employees to take her spot at the register. "Are you wanting to get your wheels jacked? If so, all you had to do was give me your keys. Get some high-end kush off of that ride."

"This is why you have almost no friends, Price," Victoria said, rolling her eyes before lifting the sunglasses onto her head. Pinching the bridge of her nose, Victoria stifled a yawn before looking up at the bluenette once more. _Are you that fucking stingy that you drove the_ entire _way, Victoria? I mean, the only reason Max had done so was because I had no clue where to go and was in too foul a fucking mood to drive_. _What's your excuse_?

Seeing Lizzie come out from the back to take over, Chloe shot her approaching coworker a sarcastically cheerful smile before running into the employees' break room and clocking out. Grabbing her jacket and beanie from the coat rack, Chloe smoothed out the few crinkles in the brown leather before stepping back out into the store. Spinning her key ring around on a finger, Chloe invited Rachel to join her in the truck with a slightly mortified Kate looking at an irritated Victoria as the other two girls headed through the back door.

"Take a seat, Pete," Chloe said, sliding into the driver's side of her truck before opening the passenger door. Seeing Rachel look at her awkwardly, Chloe rolled her eyes and sighed. "Dude, I don't wanna fight or anything like that. You're here, Rach. Can we have a no yelling policy for this trip?"

"…I'm sorry, Chloe," Rachel said, shaking her head as she climbed in, "I fucking opened my mouth without realizing it had been magically replaced with my ass. I…I just miss you, okay? My best lady bounces to the big city and I'm left in the boonies. I know I put my shit on you, then dumped even more drama while you're just trying to be with your girlfriend. It's just…I think of Max as a friend but you run off with the girl who ran off on you, Chloe. I'm…I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry if you feel like I'm ditching you, Rach, but if you felt one-tenth of how I feel for Max you would hella approve of my decision. If you coming up means we can try and be chill again, I accept or approve of whatever you being here means," Chloe said, looking at Rachel from the corner of her eye as started her truck to head back to her current residence, the Caulfields' brownstone. _Home again, home again. Jiggity-fucking-jig. "_ If not, well, I'll fucking get to that when I fucking get to it."

"Uh, how is she? Max, I mean."

"…No change," Chloe said, her expression darkening along with her mood, "I-It's, well, it can get pretty depressing sometimes. Most of the time. It's like she's locked inside of herself. I tried at first to bring her out of it with photos and music, all the shit I know her nerdy ass loves, but it's like talking to a mannequin that can breathe." _My girlfriend is waiting at home, but I'm waiting for her because she's…somewhere else. The worst part, Rachel? The longer I'm here for her, the worse it feels. I love Max, I love her so hella much, but this is almost too much to deal with._

"Well, that is what tomorrow is for," Rachel said, awkwardly putting a hand on Chloe's shoulder as she tried to make up for being so hard on Chloe, "Although I'm still not so sure about going to a park with someone who is, well, like how Max is. What's so special about Whistle Lake?"

* * *

 _"Max, if you don't jump I'm totally going to just shove you in and leave you to fend for yourself!" a 11 year-old Chloe Price cried out teasingly as she stood a few paces away from the cliff's edge where 10 year-old Max Caulfield stood, the water below rippling from the faint breeze as Max clenched and unclenched her hands._

 _Both girls clad in their one-piece swimsuits, Max and Chloe had snuck off from the campsite where their parents' were currently napping. Early afternoon after a morning of hiking and exploring, the Caulfields and Prices had been exhausted by the seemingly unending source of energy coming from the two girls. Promising to behave and to not go too far, Max and Chloe had snickered after Ryan Caulfield walked back to his tent. Both girls showing each other their crossed fingers, they waited patiently in their tent until the sounds of their parents' snores became audible and headed to the cliff._

 _"Max, let's_ go _!" Chloe whispered excitedly, handing the Monster energy drink she had snuck in her backpack to Max, the taller girl having drank half of it in a couple gulps, "Time is being wasted with your lack of hooliganry."_

 _"'Hooliganry'? Are you high?" Max asked, a pout on her face as she sipped at the beverage, "Eughh, this is gross. I thought this was supposed to be taste good."_

 _"Ready, First Mate?"_

 _"Arrr!"_

 _Watching Max's body start to tremble, Chloe frowned as it dawned on her how scared Max probably is._ It's not that big a drop, but she's out there all alone _, Chloe thought before carefully walking up to join her friend on the edge._

 _"We'll do it together, Max. You and me, like how real pirate BFFs should be."_

 _"For cereal?" Chloe giggled at the relieved smile on her friend's face._

 _"Totally. You ready?"_

 _"I am if you are!"_

 _"_ Now _you grow a spine, Max? Eheheh, okay. One…Two…Three!"_

* * *

"Chloe?" Rachel asked, tapping Chloe on the shoulder, "Hey, you spaced out. I asked what is so special about Whistle Lake?"

"Oh, uh, it's just…memorable," Chloe said, her vulnerability showing for the briefest moment before she put her walls back up. _I can't talk even about these things, the good times with me and my SuperMax. That memory is just about me…and her. God, Max. Why did you have to get hurt? Why are you so far away?_

Pulling into the parking lot across from the brownstones, Chloe watched Victoria pull alongside with Kate having chosen to sit in the back seat. _Some shit never changes. Victoria must still be in uber-shit mode back at Black-Hell._ Chloe wondered if someone else had her dorm, her things boxed away and collecting dust back home. Cringing at the idea of coming back whenever she does to a bedroom potentially full of boxes at Joyce's, Chloe ambled out of her truck. Chloe waved the girls over as she looked both ways before crossing the street, extra careful when it came to streets and roads. _First Dad, now Max. I am perpetually screwed. Fuck you, too, universe._ Chloe had lost her father that way, and now Max was gone in her own fashion.

Ryan and Chloe never talked about it, but Chloe would often wake up in the night to find she had been crying in her sleep. _I guess I should be happy that I don't remember my dreams lately. I need to blaze, and I need a drink_ , Chloe thought to herself as she unlocked the door to her current residence. _Max's dad has totally had my fucking back. He even got Mom to break open the small college fund she was holding onto for me. I still have some left, but a fancy art school I will_ not _be paying out of my own pocket anytime soon. I still need to graduate from high school first, fuck._ Opening the door, Chloe ushered everyone in before closing the door behind her and locking it.

"Locking the door? Why, you afraid someone will steal your game of life-size _Tetris_?" Victoria asked, nodding toward all the moving boxes lined up against a living room wall.

"It's for Max's sake, ass," Chloe snapped, her temper fading when the nurse came out of Max's room at the sound of people in the brownstone. "I can take it from here. Sorry for being a little behind on the time. Blame these degenerates."

"Yes, I'm such a sinner," Kate said, smirking as Victoria rolled her eyes with a hand to her face. Rachel just observed all of them quietly. _What's going through your head, Rachel? I_ do _want you here, dude, but you can't be all shitty around Max. None of you can._ "Can we…Chloe, c-can we see her?"

"Will you all not gasp or cry or anything?" Chloe asked, her head down a little as a forlorn look came across her face, "I-I don't think it is good for her. Or for me. Please?"

"Sure," Victoria said, putting a hand on Chloe's shoulder. _The armistice still holds, I guess. Weird as fuck, though, being consoled by the same girl who confessed her liking Max. 'To each their own' and all that. At least she still cares._

"Right this way," Chloe said, pulling off her beanie to run a hand through her shoulder-length blue hair. The layers were still visible, but the black hadn't stayed long. When her roots started to grow, Chloe gave up on the multicolored hair and just re-dyed everything her usual electric blue. "Fuck. I should have asked if she was sleeping."

"Does it matter?" Rachel asked, all three girls looking at her incredulously. Realizing she had said something asinine, she put a hand to her arm in a way that was painfully familiar to Chloe of someone else. "Sorry."

Shaking her head, too tired for any bitter response, Chloe led them all down the hall and into the bedroom. Opening the door a bit more, Chloe left the single floor lamp in Max's room on as the sole illumination. The room itself hadn't changed much, save for the marks Chloe had made. Her laptop now sitting on the futon across from Max's bed, Chloe and Ryan Caulfield had bought and assembled it the day she arrived from Arcadia Bay. Her trademark graffiti scattered about the walls, the personal manifestos and mantras she had in her bedroom back at Joyce's had been supplanted with lines of poetry from authors she liked as well as her own pieces.

"I dream, I cry…You breathe, A lie…," Kate murmured, reading a line of Chloe's while tracing along the wall with her hand, "Wow, Chloe. Dark, but good. Oh…oh, _no_ …"

The little blonde put a hand to her mouth as she joined Rachel and Victoria in silence at the display before them. Max was lying in bed, her eyes closed in an eerie slumber. She seemed frail to Chloe and the visitors. _She eats, but has to be helped. I help her do all the things required to exist, but nothing that is really living_ , was what came to Chloe's mind as she took in the tragic form of her freckled girlfriend. Dressed in her sleep clothes, Max's brunette hair rolled off past her shoulders a few inches as she appeared blank to Chloe, devoid of what made her so endearing and loveable. Becoming defensive as they all entered, Chloe motioned the others to stay where they were before moving over to Max's bed. _My sleeping angel. My nerdy Wonder Girl_ , Chloe thought as she brushed a strand of hair from Max's static face. _Are you watching me from deep in there, Max? Can you feel my fingers, my hand? I have to believe you are still there, that this will end._

"Do the doctors have anything new to report?" Victoria asked, her voice quiet with a faint whine as she fought back the urge to cry. Looking back, Chloe watched Kate put a comforting hand on Victoria's shoulder and was even further surprised by Victoria taking it with a weak smile. _Wait. Did something happen that I don't…ugh, I don't fucking care. Not really. Snooping and getting into other people's shit was your game, Max. Not mine. I'm not that social…or anti-social…whatever…_ , Chloe thought as she waved them over. Watching them approach hesitantly, cautiously, Chloe sat at Max's bedside and took the brunette's still hand in her own. Chloe was glad that Max was asleep; sleeping Max was better than how Max was when she was awake. Eyes vacant and looking straight ahead, Chloe found the experience unnerving sometimes because she could swear that she caught glimpses of Max looking at her. _I wish that were the case, but the doctors said that the eyes might wander from time to time. No time for hallucinations, Chloe. Especially when they_ don't _come at the expense of some epic hashish._

"I'm guessing you've tried to snap her out of…of this," Rachel said, leaning over the bed to give Max a kiss on the forehead, "Of course you have, heh. Like you'd ever not try anything for her."

Chloe didn't know how to take Rachel's comment, but saw Victoria roll her eyes while Kate carefully sat at the edge of Max's bed across from the bluenette. _I give less and less of a fuck what your goddamn problem is Rachel, and I'm_ trying _to care because you're my friend. If Max comes between us, though, I'll choose Max. I can't believe you could be so selfish, dude, thinking that I'd just always be around._

"She has her days, I guess," Chloe said, a faint smirk on her face, "I try to get her ass up and out of this funk. I call her Maxine, play her favorite songs and movies, but I mostly just talk to her when I'm here. Which is whenever I'm not working or de-stressing."

"Is Mr. Caulfield moving?" Kate asked, her voice quiet and guarded as she watched Chloe tenderly look after Max, "Just looks like it, what with all those boxes…"

"Portland. He, uh, he got a new assignment in Portland," Chloe said with a shaky breath, "H-He…He told me that their original plan, him and Max, was to move back to Arcadia Bay this month. She was planning on surprising me, I guess. Hey, can we step out onto the balcony? I need a cigarette hella bad."

Chloe walked past the girls before any of them could stop her, heading straight for the balcony. Sliding the door a little too hard, Chloe jumped at the noise before muttering a curse at herself. _It's hella quiet here, now. No music unless I'm playing it, no movies or TV unless I'm watching it. I only do those things when I'm trying to get something out of Max, some sign of life that doesn't include just fucking breathing._ Wiping at her face with the back of her hand, Chloe pulled a cigarette out and lit the tobacco. Images of Max living in Arcadia Bay again, attending Blackwell with Chloe popped up in the bluenette's mind with a hurtful clarity, the level of detail in Chloe's imagination too much for the girl to take as she numbly lifted the cigarette to her lips. Taking a long drag, Chloe shut her eyes as the acrid smoke entered through her mouth only to come out her nostrils a few seconds later. _This…this could be my last weekend with Max for a while. Jesus, Max, why can't you just wake up?!_

Ryan Caulfield had been apologetic when he'd informed Chloe that she would need to head back to Arcadia Bay soon. She hadn't told anyone, of course. Chloe originally had no desire to return anymore as her entire being had become focused entirely with Max. _I also know this isn't fucking healthy_ , Chloe mused as she heard Victoria come out to join her, _I work and come back to the brownstone for Max. That's pretty much it, save for my weekly trips to the dives in this city. Venting my bullshit on stage like some uber emo. I haven't even blazed or gotten my drink on since I came up here._ That had been the first of Ryan's requests when he explained to Chloe that she could stay with him and Max.

"No pot or alcohol, Chloe," Ryan Caulfield had said with a sternness that surprised the bluenette, "I know how Max was… _is_ , and I can guess pretty accurately that you're about the same. If you're going to help me with her, however, the cigarettes in your pocket have to be the furthest you'll go. I need you lucid for _her_ sake, Chloe."

 _I'm fucking trying, dude._ It had been a hard month for the blue-haired punk; Chloe had barely fought away the urge her first three days to light up and drink whatever she could find to dull the pain of seeing Max look so empty every day. Max's father had come home a week into her stay to find Chloe sitting on the kitchen counter with all the alcohol in the place lined up next to her along with Max's stash of marijuana.

"C-Can we just _not_ have this shit here, Mr. Caulfield?" Chloe had asked, her voice quiet and broken, "I…I'm tripping and freaking on what I might do, y'know?"

Ryan Caulfield had agreed immediately and they proceeded to empty and toss every bottle and all of Max's pot into a large trash bag. Chloe had taken it out and thrown it into the dumpster. Sobbing, Chloe had leaned against the garbage receptacle and cried over how much she missed her girlfriend. Max Caulfield was upstairs, but she was also nowhere to be found. The doctors had explained it to Chloe, she knew what was going on, but the reality of what she chose to live with outweighed the cut-and-dry medical diagnosis. _You say one thing, motherfuckers, but I've lived with this every day for a_ month. _Fuck you._

"How are you holding up?" Chloe heard Victoria ask. Coughing a bit, Chloe snuffed out the cigarette on the balcony railing before depositing the butt in Max's flower pot ashtray. "You look like shit."

"Heh. I totally look how I feel, then," Chloe chuckled dryly at the bleakness of Victoria's observation and how true it rang, "I'm fucking depressed. She's…she's not getting any worse _or_ any better. It's all just…I'm thinking of going back to Arcadia Bay when Mr. Caulfield heads to Portland with Max. I-I need a break."

"…Figures," Victoria said, the muttering barely audible to Chloe. _When the fuck will you understand that I love her_ , _Victoria, but that this is insanely fucking hard? Do_ you _want to be in my shoes right now? You couldn't handle my boots, much less what it takes to stay in them right now._

"I'm not giving up on Max, dude, and you need to give the bitchy shit a rest. I'm fucking dying here, Victoria. I'm fading as much as she is and every day with her like this hurts like fucking Hell," Chloe snapped, glaring at Victoria as the blonde met her look for a moment before slumping her shoulders.

"…Max and I used to hang out at my parent's gallery," Victoria said quietly, almost to herself, "School would let out and we would sometimes take the subway. _I_ wanted to take a taxi, not like I don't have the money, but Max would be so fucking stubborn. You know how she is. 'It's like another world down there, Vic, something cold and crowded. A dystopia beneath our feet.' Fucking dystopia is right. Subway's a shithole. Still, she finds the best shots in the worst of situations…"

"You didn't say 'found'," Chloe said, her voice as equally quiet, "You didn't use past tense."

"I'm like you. I won't give up on her," Victoria said, blowing a smoke ring of her own, "You want to know what I think? I think you're angry at her, at yourself, and at everybody. I think you're fucking holding it in and holding on to it. You want to fight with everybody right now, Max included. You're not wearing that ring she gave you, so _something_ is going through that chemically-damaged brain of yours."

Chloe opened her mouth to speak but only bile seemed to sit inside of her. She wanted to lash out at the blonde, and at everyone else inside. _Even Max. Max, the girl who's asleep both when she's awake and when she isn't. The girl who brought me here twice, once by her hand and once on my own. Jesus fuck, Max! Why aren't you here with me now?! We're living under the same roof and all I want to do now is run. Run from here and from you, avoid everything._ Chloe wanted to scream, wanted to tear the bedroom up and let her walls come down like they had whenever Max was near. The Max in the bedroom was not her Max, though, but a shell of the girl she'd fallen in love with: a container, a vessel.

"I need this fucking break more than anybody," Chloe said, lighting up another cigarette as she watched Seattle's skyline begin to darken with the encroaching sunset.

"You didn't fucking answer me, Chloe," Victoria said, leaning against the railing to look Chloe in the eye, " _Where_ is the ring Max gave you?"

"It's right fucking here, Goddamnit," Chloe mumbled with a scowl as she dragged a chain out from under her top, "See? It's just…I already have enough reminders. Fuck this group therapy shit. I'm out."

Snuffing out the cigarette she had just lit before flicking it into the air, Chloe headed back inside, the one place she didn't want to leave _and_ didn't want to be.

* * *

 **October 14, 2012**

Two vehicles parked about three miles away from Whistle Lake, the remaining distance coverable only by foot. Victoria's luxury car and Ryan Caulfield's SUV sat alongside one another under a cluster of trees as the group began to collect their essentials for the day. Carrying most of their perishables and equipment in backpacks and via straps slung over their shoulders, Chloe and the girls followed Ryan as he slowly pushed Max along in her wheelchair. Chloe smirked at the odd-looking contraption, all-terrain tires on a hospital-issue frame. A _t least you're riding in style, Max. Also getting to avoid this hella long-ass hike, so kudos on avoiding the bullshitery that is your Dad's idea of fun. Needs something cool, though, like rockets or hover shit like Back to the Future._ Snickering to herself, Chloe felt someone nudge her and looked over to see Kate watching her.

"Sorry. It's just," Chloe said, chuckling, "Max and her wheelchair. Thing's so tricked out. All it needs is some rockets or whatever. She gets to avoid all the heavy work while we slog away."

"I think she has an excuse," Kate said, teasing Chloe with a mocking grin, "Quitter."

"Dude, I am so hardcore you don't even fucking realize. This isn't my first trip here," Chloe replied before hollering toward Max's dad, "Isn't that right, Mr. Caulfield?"

"What?" Ryan Caulfield asked, his attention on the path and his eerily silent daughter.

"I've been here before with my parents and you Caulfielders!"

"When you were a kid, sure!" Ryan shouted back with a laugh, "But only the once, Chloe!"

"Traitor!" Chloe retorted with a huff, stifling a smile. _Why am I hiding my smiling? Am I supposed to be nothing but somber and shitty? I'm here, somewhere amazeballs, and it's a stroll down memory lane. Me, Max, with her folks and mine on a forest adventure! Hella yes!_ Shrugging, Chloe resituated her backpack and continued down the trail with the other three girls shortly behind.

Chloe watched as the campsite from her and Max's childhood came and went as they passed by. Only heading up here for the day, they had all opted to hang out at the lakefront. Setting her backpack and other gear down with a feeling of relief, Chloe gulped down half her bottle of water as the other girls made for the water. Sitting with Max and Ryan Caulfield for the time being, Chloe brought her knees to her chin as she just relaxed and took in the crisp air and smell of wild foliage. _It'd be pretty fucking epic if there was a hidden pot farm out here. An acreage of Kush, waiting to be plundered. Heh, like a pirate._

"Not going to join your friends?" Ryan asked as he began to set up the compact electric grill he'd brought along, "You should try and have some fun, Chloe."

"I know, I know," Chloe grumbled, "I just…is it okay if I have some time to Max alone, Mr. Caulfield?"

" _Ryan_ , Chloe, and yes. Of course you can have time with her. Just keep an eye out for Max, okay? Never know when she'll just push herself out of that chair and not let you go."

Chloe's smile was strained as Mr. Caulfield took his small grill and set up a little further from where their gear was stacked. Reaching a hand into her pocket, Chloe pulled out a small box and opened it. Inside, a smaller version of the band Max had given her rested in place. Hands trembling, Chloe opened and closed her fists until the tremors subsided. She needed Max to have this, even if the brunette was unable to comprehend what was going on around her. Unzipping Max's hoodie so that her collarbone was exposed, Chloe pulled out the length of black cord from her bullet necklace and slipped the ring onto it before tying the jewelry around Max's neck. Ensuring the knot was secure with a tug, Chloe found herself only a few inches from Max face.

"Why… _Why_ can't you just wake up, Max?" Chloe asked the catatonic girl sitting directly in front of her, "You left me here, again, and the worst part is that I'm reminded of us every day. I shouldn't be mad, I know, but you're _right fucking here_ and I can't reach you anymore. I've tried and tried, like your dad, but I'm spent. I can't do this day-to-day shit anymore. I can't, Max. You'll be in Portland soon, and I'll come up on the weekends and shit to see how you are. I'm not…I'm _not_ leaving you, but I can't stay with you anymore. Not with you like this."

Chloe got up to move but wheeled around to look at Max again, the other girl's blank face only making the bluenette angry.

"This is fucking bullshit, Max. You bail on me for four years and just when we get each other back you disappear again. First my dad, then you, and now you _again_? Why the fuck did you have to try and drive on to Seattle? Why couldn't you have just turned around and _come home to me_?" Chloe cried as she grabbed at Max's hoodie and lifted the limp girl up a few inches. "This isn't goddamn fair, Max! You should be living it up with me, not watching the fucking world go by while you're trapped in your own head! I love you so goddamn much, Max, and I miss you. I need you, Max, so please wake up. _Wake the fuck up!_ "

Hearing Ryan Caulfield call out to her the instant she stopped shouting, a worried but stern look on his face, Chloe's let Max go and stormed off through the treeline. _I can't do this anymore, Max. I love you but I can't watch you just turn into a shell._ Crying as she went deeper into the forest, Chloe heard Kate call after her and turned to see the blonde girl come running in her one-piece swimsuit and sarong.

"Chloe, wait up!" Kate shouted after her, but Chloe ignored the pleading and began to run deeper into the woods.

"Go the fuck away, Kate!" Chloe shouted, turning to look in surprise as Kate began to close the distance between them. _Holy shit! Either I'm hella slow or she's faster than she looks. Probably both._ "Just let me fucking brood in peace!"

"You running away isn't going to change what you'll be coming back to!" Chloe heard Kate shout. Groaning in irritation, Chloe stopped and turned to face Kate as the other girl finished catching up, "Chloe…I _know_ that it hurts, but Max needs _all of us_ right now and you need us, too. Don't run away. Please."

Kate's words echoed in Chloe's mind, the double meaning behind the mentioning of running away obvious to both girls. Chloe didn't want to run; she honestly wanted to just stay at Max's side as long as she could. The pain was just too much for the bluenette, though, and she had been shouldering her emotions alone for the past month. Leaning against a tree, Chloe took a deep breath to try and calm herself down. The tears that had been streaming down her face since she'd let go of Max had left her eyes bloodshot and puffy.

"I never wanted this," Chloe said with a weary voice.

"I know," Kate said as she pulled Chloe into a compassionate hug, "I know, Chloe. None of us did, but it's hardest on you _because_ you love her so much. Keep that love going, Chloe, and it'll get you through this."

"I-I really do l-love her," Chloe's sobs choked the words out of her before she sniffled and pulled back, "Heh, look at me and my snotty, crying ass. Guess I have to hand my punk card in, huh? No street cred can save me from this."

"Well, we're in the middle of nowhere so I think we're good," Kate said, smiling warmly at Chloe as the bluenette continued to calm down, "Your secret is safe with me."

Taking Kate's hand, Chloe allowed herself to be led back to where Ryan Caulfield stood watch over his eerily silent daughter. Seeing the worried look on his face, Chloe felt her chest seize as he came over and hugged her.

"Don't go doing that again, okay?" Ryan Caulfield said before pulling himself away, "I know…I know it's been hard, Chloe."

"Yeah…," Chloe said apologetically, "I'm sorry, Mr. Caulfied. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean-"

"Chloe," Kate said, her hushed voice going unnoticed until she grabbed at Chloe's jacket, " _Chloe._ _Look._ "

Chloe looked over Ryan Caulfield's shoulder to see Max shakily standing next to her chair. _No fucking way_ was the first thing to pop into Chloe's head. _This isn't real. I'm fucking hallucinating or some shit and she's still in the goddamn chair._ Wiping at her eyes, still bloodshot and raw from crying, Chloe looked over again and stared as Max looked back at her with tearful eyes. Weakly lifting her arm, Max held up the cord and ring Chloe had just left her.

"… _Chloe…_ ," Max said weakly, her lip trembling, and Chloe thought she would either passed out right where she stood or sprint over to her love. Legs week, ignoring the looks of shock on Victoria's and Rachel's faces as they came up to see what was going on, Chloe feebly walked over to where Max was leaning against the wheelchair before falling to her knees at Max's feet.

"Please don't be a dream," Chloe's voice not much more than a whisper as she looked down to the ground, "Please, _please_ , don't be a dream." Chloe watched as the feet in front of her became knees and thighs as Max knelt down in front of her, hands on the bluenette's shoulders as Max used her for support in kneeling down.

"…Chloe…am I really here?" Max asked, her voice shaking, "My…I…I don't, oh _God_ , my mom. My _mom_ , Chloe, she's…"

"I'm so sorry, Max," Chloe said as she wrapped Max up in a fierce hug, squeezing the brunette with every bit of fleeting strength she could as Max cried, "You've been gone so long and I'm so fucking sorry."

Max's words kept being cut off by choking sobs as a moment of time from September sent her reeling. Chloe held onto the brunette and rocked her until the sobbing quieted down until Max was silent once more. Terrified of Max having slipped back into her catatonia, Chloe pulled back to see a pained smile on Max's face as she kissed Chloe with tear-stained lips.

"Am I dreaming?" Chloe asked, leaning her forehead against Max's as the brunette gave her a weak grin and closed her eyes, "Are we all still in the car and this is all in my fucking head?"

"I-I'm not a dream, Chloe," Max shakily replied as they began to cry once more in each other's arms.

 **Author's Note**

 **Hey.**

 **Long time, no see. Well, at least by how much I used to upload it is, eheheh.**

 **I'm still wrecked by Dark Room. Yes, I know, it's been a week. When you see two deaths from a character you love echo real life events you witnessed first-hand, however, it impacts you a LOT so please bear with me. I will update when I am able – I'm working on getting back into this and all I can do is ask for patience and understanding.**

 **I will probably alternate between this story and fluffy one-shots or two-parters. I'm trying to get back into Fighters but all the angst and drama is only making things worse – what I** _ **had**_ **written of Chapter 8 was pretty dark so that story is still on hold. Sorry to those of you waiting, but I need more recovery time before I delve into darker stuff once more.**

 **This is the first chapter in what I _hope_ will be a four-part story that alternates in perspective. This first entry is Chloe, but the second will be Max with it switching between them one more time before concluding this installment.**

 **Read, review, and I'll see you for the next chapter.**

 **Hope you're all doing better, Cinnamon Rolls, and I want to thank you all again for your kind words both here and on my Tumblr :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Note – GUEST REVIEWS WILL BE HELD IN MODERATION FOR SCREENING FROM HERE ON OUT. IF YOU REVIEW AND IT DOES NOT SHOW IT IS BECAUSE I DELETED IT. I GET TOO MANY BULLSHIT, PAGE-LONG REVIEWS THAT ARE NOTHING BUT PROMPTS OR PEOPLE TALKING SHIT SO I'M NOT PUTTING UP WITH IT ANYMORE.**

 **To those of you who leave behind actual reviews or encouragement, since I essentially spill my emotional guts in my endnotes, I'm sorry. I post these as a stress reliever and because I love LiS – I don't need the stress of people taking a crap on something I love to do.**

 **The Day The Whole World Went Away**

 **Song by Nine Inch Nails**

 **November 15, 2012**

"So, Max, how's the photography _coming_ along? Getting back into taking pictures with your Polaroid camera?" Max heard Dr. Graves, her therapist, ask in a pleasant tone. Max hated the pleasantry, mainly because it all seemed too polite and endearing.

"I haven't taken a picture since I…woke up, I guess? Is that what you call it?" Max asked, blowing a strand of loose hair off her face. "Before you ask I can also tell you that I haven't played my guitar either. Never mind the fact that all I have is my old acoustic, the double-neck breaking in the…in the…"

"The crash? Would you like to talk about the-"

" _No._ " Max felt increasingly uneasy, knowing where Dr. Graves was trying to go with this session. _You always try to bring up that day, Doc. I know that you want me to "bare my feels", but what if I don't like the idea of talking to someone who's getting fucking_ paid _to talk to me? Goddamnit, Dad, you know I hate this shit…_

"Max, you're being awfully quiet today," Dr. Graves said, tilting her head slightly with a faint smile on her face as she sat on the edge of her desk. The office was stuffy from the heater and smelled dusty as Max sat on the single couch with her knees drawn up to her chest. Looking over her knees with a glaring expression, Max Caulfield looked as though she could leap to her feet and rip out her therapist's throat without a moment's notice.

"Aren't I _usually_ quiet as fuck?" Max asked, smiling to herself as Dr. Graves winced at the use of swear words. Max knew that her doctor didn't like that, which only made her tormenting the older woman that much more fun. Max might've felt bad at pushing someone's buttons so much if it weren't for the fact that she found herself unable to care at the moment. "I mean, it's not like I _fucking_ say a whole _fucking_ lot, Dr. Graves. You know I don't want to _fucking_ be here."

"You're trying to provoke me, Max. Please watch your language," Dr. Graves said calmly, glancing at the clock. "You've been silent nearly this entire session, Max, save for trying to antagonize me. You mentioned last week that your girlfriend was coming up this weekend to see you. How do you feel about that?"

"Like I'm gonna _fuck_ ," Max said, stifling a giggle as Dr. Graves let slip a sigh of mild frustration before Max's phone beeped. _Session D-O-N-E, Doc. Thanks for nothing, as usual._ "Such sad. Very lack of talk. Much fail at life. Wow."

"Max-," Max heard Dr. Graves start to say before she closed the doctor's office door with behind her. Smiling with a fake cheerfulness as she passed the psychiatrist's reception desk, Max waved bye and slipped her earbuds in before heading out the front door.

The cold afternoon air blew at Max Caulfield's face and she closed her eyes to relish the slight freeze on her cheeks. The briskness made her feel awake, which was better than being asleep. Her nightmares notwithstanding, Max sometimes wished she didn't have to sleep at all. _I spent a month basically asleep. I should be allowed a few days here and there with no shut-eye necessary._

Despite her sarcastic pessimism, Max was typically nervous and afraid every time she closed her eyes to sleep; the idea of waking up to find another month or even longer had passed by unnerved the freckled brunette. Shivering at the idea of being catatonic again, Max stuffed her hands into the pockets of her leather jacket and walked hurriedly to where she'd parked her jeep with "The Day The Whole World Went Away" by Nine Inch Nails blaring from the earbuds she'd plugged into. _Thank you, car insurance. My jeep's airbag saved my ass, and you saved my jeep. Your prices fucking suck though, so I guess we're even._

* * *

 **November 16, 2012**

 _This is not my home. Not really_ **.**

Max Caulfield felt that way every time she woke up in the place Ryan Caulfield had moved them to. Max knew that it had been her maternal grandmother's, left to her and held for safe-keeping by her father until she turned 18. Situated roughly an hour west of Portland, the rustic one-story home was along Route 18, allowing easier access to and back from Ryan's new workplace in the Marshal's office in Portland and providing Max much needed space. _Of course, no one_ says _we're here to give me some space to myself. Because I'm "goddamn fragile" or whatever the shrink told Dad. Fuck 'em._

The walls were painted a dark green, carpet over hardwood floors. Rather than a window, the sliding glass door leading to the backyard provided any sunlight Max chose to let in through the blackout curtains. Walls bare save for a single mirror, Max only had her clothing, hygiene products, and laptop unpacked and situated after a month. Whenever Ryan Caulfield would ask his daughter if she thought about decorating like back in Seattle the twitch throughout Max's entire body would cause him to instinctively take a half-step back. _My own father is afraid of me. That, or scared_ for _me._ One of Max's few regrets as of late was the deteriorating relationship she had with her dad, the brunette growing distant and cold shortly after Chloe had left for Arcadia Bay. Cracking her knuckles and popping her toes, Max slowly got out of bed and walked over to the dresser.

Max sneered when she looked in the mirror hanging over her dresser. Little more than a month had passed since she had awoken from her catatonic state, but Max still couldn't stand the sight of her own reflection. She wanted to punch the person looking back at her, the face that cried when she cried and screamed when she screamed like there was someone mocking her behind her own eyes. The mirror she was looking into presently was the third mirror to take up the space above her dresser.

"Maybe if I break you I won't get another," Max said absently at the mirror, running a finger along its wooden frame. "You really have no one to blame but yourself."

Max knew there was something going on with her but the grief and anger were too strong for her attention to be fully diverted to anything else. _I should hate you_ , Max thought at the girl looking back at her, _I should hold you in my arms and let you cry. Why can't you ever stop looking at me?_ Fragments of memory from her car accident, intertwined with the news of her mother's death, brought a rattling gasp from the depths of her chest as she stretched. Looking at her phone, the small device set on top of her dresser, Max saw that it was noon and shrugged out of her sleep clothes before heading into her bathroom. _At least I get privacy_. _No one fucking coddling me, telling me that "everything will be alright" every hour on the hour._ Max felt a pang of loneliness as she took in the quiet of her surroundings. Her dad was gone for the weekend, Ryan's job sometimes requiring him to be gone for days at a time, and Chloe was supposed to be at the house shortly.

"'Supposedly'," Max mumbled to herself, a scowl on her face as the shower peppered her skin with a near-scalding spray.

Chloe had left the Friday after Max had come to, her mother and Max's father adamant that she try to get back into Blackwell so that she didn't have to repeat her senior year. Max knew she was being selfish but didn't care; the brunette was genuinely angry at the hole left behind by Chloe's absence. _It wouldn't be so bad if she'd just come up, but every time I asked she either cancelled or outright told me she couldn't. Chloe's hardly talked to me, and something's up with Rachel because_ she _doesn't talk to me_ at all _anymore. Fucking flake_.

Done with showering and her morning hygiene, Max walked back into her bedroom naked and dripping with water before padding herself dry. Leaving damp footprints on the carpeted floor, Max changed into a pair of black jeans and a black-and-white flannel shirt. Rolling up the sleeves, Max idly scratched at the sleeve tattoo on her right arm that she had started a few weeks ago. A trail of butterflies and birds starting at her wrist, the intricacies of vines and black roses made their way up Max's arm before stopping just below her shoulder. _I had to drive all the way to Portland for it, heh. Dad tried to sound pissed, but he was obviously just concerned. I wish he'd leave me the fuck alone, sometimes. I don't know what is worse, that I need him so much or that I push him away all the damn time._

"Tell me how you're feeling, Max," Max said in an imitation of her shrink's voice as she pulled her socks on, "Tell me about your mother."

"Wowsers, Doc, I think I kinda killed my mom," Max said with a mockingly surprised tone, "Well, I mean _I_ didn't kill her. I probably just gave her the last nudge to her pills and booze. Still, I vented our shit to a live audience so there's that."

"But Max, it is good for you to find means of expressing yourself and your own internalized pain," Max continued on with her impression, "Blaming your mother-"

Max stopped and shook her head, angry with herself at the self-loathing. _Mom killed herself. She got shitfaced and downed a bottle of pills._ You _didn't do anything, Max. You cry your eyes out over a woman who hit you and made you feel unsafe in your own home. You vented your pain because you needed to. Stop it. Stop blaming yourself._

 _But she was my_ mom _…_

"But I could have tried…," Max whispered, worried someone might overhear despite being the only person in the house, "… _Fuck_ …"

"You did this," Max said, her voice quaking as she pointed accusingly at the girl pointing back at her through the mirror.

Leaning against the dresser once more, Max took one of her steel-toe boots and slammed it repeatedly against the mirror until it was smashed to her satisfaction. Screaming, Max continued to hammer away at the mirror's frame until pieces of reflective glass and wooden frame fell onto the dresser and floor. Throwing the boot aside, Max swept everything on top of the dresser with a wave of her arm as she cried.

"I-It isn't f-fair," Max choked out, wiping at her face only to have fresh tears spring up from her eyes, "I'm… Mom, I'm _so_ sorry. Please. Please j-just come back and we can find a way t-to…"

Her body shaking from the fits of rage and grief she was experiencing, the small brunette quickly walked to her bedside table and pulled her pencil bag out. Putting a joint to her lips, Max lit the dope with a match and took in a deep lungful of smoke as she laid down on her unmade bed. Clamping down on the doobie, Max blew the smoke out through gritted teeth as she surveyed the damage to her room. _Dad's going to be heartbroken. Again._

Clinically diagnosed with severe depression, Max was also being treated for symptoms associated with Bipolar Disorder pending a formal diagnosis, her violently shifting mood swings occurring with enough frequency to garner concern from the Dr. Graves. While Max could keep herself under control a fair portion of the time, it was mainly when the brunette was alone with her thoughts that the worst of the mood swings occurred. She had tried to get a job in one of the nearby towns, but every attempt fell apart when either an anxiety attack started up or her mood began to waver. The first job had ended the day it started, Max getting into a fight with one of her co-workers at a local diner. Usually, after a couple days at each job, Max more or less quit by using her mental health as an excuse to get away from the stares and whispers. Slowly getting back to her feet, Max opening the sliding door in her room and stepped out into the backyard. Taking a seat on the concrete step just outside the door, Max sat in her sleep shirt and boxers as she toked and tried to calm herself down.

Calming down enough after a few minutes that her head became clearer, Max mumbled a curse at herself when she realized that she'd forgotten to take her medication. _This is what happens when you go from some pot and emergency meds to a fucking daily routine of pills_. Heading back inside after flicking the joint's roach into the grass, Max walked into her bathroom and came back out with two pill bottles, one marked as Wellbutrin and the other as Abilify. The Wellbutrin being her second antidepressant after Prozac, the first leaving her completely numb, Max had more luck with the new medication when her Abilify boosted the other medication's positive effects. As a downside, however, it left her more prone to anxiety attacks.

Walking down the small hallway, Max entered the kitchen and took a glass from the dish rack before filling it halfway with tap water. Popping three pills into her mouth, Max took a couple mouthfuls of water before dumping the remaining water into the sink. _I need to stop taking these with water_ , Max thought as the slight urge to gag subsided. _They always taste like shit and I totally forget they're gross._ Taking a bottle of orange juice out of the refrigerator, Max took a couple swallows of the overly sweet beverage before replacing the carton. Pulling out her phone as she leaned against the counter, Max swiped through her messages from Chloe with an odd mixture of resentment and anticipation.

Max didn't know if she should be mad at Chloe for the lack of attention or understanding because she knew that her girlfriend had dropped everything to take care of her while she'd been reduced to a vegetative state. _I need a coin or something. Something to help me decide which way I should feel. Nah, I'm not a supervillain. Yet._ Max sighed before starting a new message thread.

 **Max: U on ur way or r u not coming? Again.**

 **Max: Chloe.**

 **Max: I kno ur online ur indicator is green, Chloe**

 **Chloe: I AM on my way, Mad Max. I miss my baby!**

 **Max: I'm not a baby, Chloe, and I missed u 2**

 **Max: Still pissed, tho. U bailed on me and it has been a MONTH**

 **Chloe: Max…**

 **Chloe: We talked about this, dude. I've been busting my ass, getting back in2 Blackwell just barely. I've done TWO months of classwork to get caught up and the first thing I'm doing now that I have free time is coming up to see my bae. :)**

 **Chloe: Cut me some fucking slack, dude**

 **Max: What happened 2 "NO EMOJI"? lol**

 **Chloe: Special circumstances. Don't get any ideas, nerd**

 **Max: …If everything is cool then y doesn't Rachel ever answer me?**

 **Chloe: U'll have 2 ask her. I don't kno what is going on with her anymore. She's butthurt I'm coming up to see u nao that I'm caught up with school and we honestly don't talk much anymo'**

 **Max: WTF WHAT DID I DO**

 **Chloe: Max, don't be mad. Plz, I just want to be with my gf this weekend and chill**

 **Max: Because I'm ALWAYS supposed to be fucking cool all the damn time**

 **Chloe: I can turn around, if you don't feel up for company**

 **Max: NO!**

 **Max: …I'm sorry, Che. It's just…I don't know how to feel anymore**

 **Max: About ANYTHING. Everything hurts, makes me mad or sad and all the bullshit that comes with.**

 **Max: I just want to see you and feel like I'm not so damn alone :(**

 **Chloe: Aww, babe**

 **Chloe: I'll be there in MINUTES, I swear. Pedal to my fucking METAAAAALLLLL *air guitar solo* xoxoxoxo**

Max watched Chloe's indicator go red and sighed. The slightest contact with her blue-haired girlfriend left Max in a state of ease that felt oddly uncomfortable. While she might've normally felt comfortable in having Chloe to rely on, Max had started getting used to her isolation over the past month. Her dad not home as often, Max had taken to busting into his liquor cabinet and heading into the woods with whatever she could get her hands on. _Auto-destruct, engage,_ Max bitterly thought as the memory of hard liquor burning down her throat left the brunette questioning herself for what felt like the billionth time.

"What the fuck is wrong with me?" Max asked, combing her fingers through her hair in frustration. _I'm not supposed to be like this. I'm supposed to be… fuck, I don't even know what I'm supposed to be like._ Max was about to tear into herself once more when the sound of an approaching vehicle and car horn captured her attention entirely.

" _Chloe!_ " Max's jaw dropped in shock, eyes wide as she realized that her girlfriend was actually here. Max nearly collided with a wall as she made a break for the front door, moving so quick that she nearly hit the front door before managing to open it at the last second.

Max looked as though she was flying when she came sprinting out from behind and past the house's front door, leaping off the front porch without missing a step. Running down the stone path, Max shifted direction towards a familiar old truck that had just pulled into the clearing where her home was situated. Her heart pumping in her chest furiously, Max felt like each foot, even so much as a single inch, from the now-parked truck was a lifetime until she saw Chloe come running from around the driver's side. Decked out in a black, sleeveless hoodie, her trademark beanie, and jean shorts, Chloe's combat boots had been traded in for a set of Chuck Taylors as she ran straight for Max. Tears running down her face again, Max choked back a sob as she half-hugged, half-tackled Chloe when they collided.

"Whoa, Max!" Chloe cried out as she backpedaled a couple steps from Max colliding with her, patting the smaller girl's back while chuckling at Max's enthusiasm. "Why are you crying, Max? Weren't you pissed off, like, _minutes_ ago?"

"Y-You're here! You're r-really fucking _here_!" The giddy tone of Max's shaking voice mirrored the look of utter joy on her face at seeing Chloe once more. All negative thoughts and feelings shoved aside for the time being, Max nuzzled her smiling face into Chloe's chest as far as it would go before she began to kiss her way up to Chloe's waiting lips.

"Chloe…," Max said, kissing the bluenette softly only to repeat the action with every repetition of her girlfriend's name. "Chloe… Chloe… Chloe…"

"I love you too, Max," Chloe couldn't stop giggling, her happiness wearing off onto Max with a grateful smile as the brunette began to giggle to.

Max closed her eyes when Chloe leaned down to gently bump foreheads. _I need this. I need you so badly, Chloe, you don't even realize how much I need you._ Raising her hands, Max cupped Chloe's face and held their foreheads together as she sniffled. _You're amazing, you're wonderful, and you're all mine. You are mine, Chloe Elizabeth Price_. Opening her eyes to see Chloe looking at her tenderly, Max felt a flush in her cheeks before she leaned up to kiss Chloe again.

"Max, if you try to eat my face I will get hella mad," Chloe teased, letting Max get one more kiss before she turned back to the truck and grabbed her suitcase. "Got all weekend for nibblin' on each other, Maxaroni. How 'bout you show me your new place? A big city gal out in the boonies once more; you're a fucking Lifetime movie, Maxi-pad."

"Ugh, you suck. You know I hate it when you call me that," Max said, her expression deadpan before wrapping her arms around Chloe's free arm. Leaning her head on Chloe's shoulder, Max took Chloe's scent with a contented sigh. "You're lucky I'm in a forgiving mood when it comes to you, Chloe Price."

"What can I say? I'm hot as fuck for Max Caulfield," Chloe shrugged, winking at her girlfriend with Max smiling in reply. "Shall we go inside?"

"Sure," Max said, not letting go of Chloe as they walked together towards the house.

"Wow. You and 'country living' is kinda hilarious, Max, but this isn't too bad" Chloe said as she looked around the Caulfields' home.

Max scoffed with her arms crossed as she leaned up against the kitchen counter. The interior had been renovated a few years ago after the property had been placed in trust for Max, Vanessa Caulfield choosing to modernize the rooms while maintaining the rustic appearance outside. Carpeted floors with walls painted a neutral off-white, much of the furniture from Seattle had come along with Max and her father. Situated in the living room area almost exactly the same as the brownstone, the TV was nestled in a corner with the living room set diagonally across. The kitchen, lacking the island from Max's Seattle residence, felt a little more open despite the reduced size. The dining room had been converted into an office, leaving the hallway towards the back of the house as access to the bathroom and both bedrooms. Max watched Chloe with an amused grin as the bluenette ran a hand along various furniture and décor that Ryan Caulfield had moved to their new home.

"This place is hella nice, Max. I mean, it's out of the way like _Tucker & Dale vs Evil_ or _The Cabin in the Woods_ but that's not always a bad thing," Chloe said, returning her attention to Max as she walked over to join her girlfriend in the kitchen. "You say 'y'all' and shit like that yet? You about to wear straw hats and swear off all things good and pure like weed and booze? You goin' country on me, Max Caulfield?"

"Coming from Southern Belle Jr. I'll take that as a compliment. I still remember when we were little, your mom's accent rubbing off on you. 'I ain't needin' no fuckin' flu shot, Ma!' And no, I don't say _y'all_ ," Max retorted with a smile, nudging Chloe with her hip.

"Ah do declah, Mizz Caulfield, that you have committed an offense against mah honah!" Chloe said in an exaggerated Southern accent, hand to her chest in feigned shock.

"Pistols at dawn, or do I need to slap you with a lacy glove first?" Max asked, eyebrow raised.

"Nah, smartass. Not necessary," replied Chloe, dropping the accent as she shrugged, "…I get up hella late on the weekends and I know you do, too. It's gotta be kinda lame, being an hour from anything cool when you used to be minutes from kickass shit in Seattle."

"It _is_ teh lameness most of the time," Max conceded, nodding as she leaned her head against Chloe's shoulder, "I guess I just have to settle for teh wackiness that is my brain at the moment. There are perks to living out here, though."

"Oh?" Max caught the look of concern on Chloe's face before the bluenette feigned a piqued interest. _Joyce would be proud, such a quick save._ "What might these interests be, Lady Caulfield?"

"I get left the fuck alone."

Something about the creeping harshness of her tone altered the dynamic for a moment between Max and Chloe as the brunette felt her mood begin to sour a bit. Thoughts of the sidelong glances and hushed discussions when she came into a local restaurant or store in one of the nearby rural towns always set her on edge. _I get that these people are not in the city, but we're an hour out of Portland for fuck's sake. The highway is practically at their doorstep, and they get nervous when a teenage girl sporting tattoos shows up but only wants to be left alone? I am_ not _a source for gossip, you back-asswards morons._ Feeling a hand on one of her clenched fists, Max pulled back in alarm before seeing the look of worry on Chloe's face.

"Chillax, Max. You rage-spaced, dude," Chloe said, putting the same hand on Max's shoulder. "Hey, what's going on with you? Seriously, babe, what's wrong?"

"It's stupid, Che. No worries." _Everything, Che. Every fucking thing._ Max felt like a phony as she smiled. _I'm just alone here most days, left to the mercy of my fading sanity and growing homicidal rage. Y'know, the usual._ Her euphoria at seeing Chloe dwindling, her angry and confused disposition from earlier was slowly returning. "Just stupid fucking people."

Max saw that Chloe wanted to push the matter further, but the brunette quickly deflected by opening the fridge and producing two beers. Handing one to Chloe, the bluenette lifting the beer for a toast in thanks, Max pulled her girlfriend down the hallway and into her room. _Last time I showed you my private space, you were all wide-eyed and awestruck. Sorry to disappoint, Chloe._

"Watch the glass and bits of wood," Max said as she gestured for Chloe to take a seat on her bed while she grabbed a broom from the utility closet. Sweeping up the broken remains of her mirror, Max saw fractured reflections of herself look back up from the bedroom floor. _Leave me alone. Stop it. Fucking stop._

"Who won, you or the mirror?" Chloe asked jokingly. When Max didn't respond, Chloe's tone became more serious. "Jesus, Max. You busted up the fucking mirror? Why?"

"Why?" Max's tone was icy as she looked at Chloe, the taller girl's brow furrowed in confusion. "I can't fucking stand the sight of myself, Chloe. _That's_ why. I see the girl looking back at me and want to punch her so I do that. I punch her and punch her, hit her with things until she goes away. She disgusts me."

Tossing the dustpan's contents of glass and wood into her trash can, Max turns around to see Chloe just watching her with the beer bottle nestled between her long legs. _Please don't look at me like that, Chloe. You…You don't_ know _what it is like. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. Ever._ Walking over to the bed in resignation, Max flops down across from where Chloe's seated and pops open her beer. Bringing the bottle to her lips, Max watches Chloe reach out and hold the bottle in place.

"What the actual fuck?" Max's sneering face not shaking the serious look from her girlfriend. "Gimme my beer, Che."

"No, Max. We… _You_ need to talk, and I think we both know this shit is hella bad for what's going on with you right now. Booze is a no-go at the moment." _I've never heard you so serious, Chloe._

"'Why so serious?' Stop being the responsible one, Che. That's supposed to be my job. Seriously. G-Give me my damn beer, Chloe." Max tried to jerk the beer away but Chloe's grip and strength only cause her to budge it an inch or so. "Give me my _mother_ _fucking_ beer, Chloe Elizabeth Price."

"What the fuck is going on with you, Max? Talk to me. I love you and I want you-"

"You _love_ me?" Max asked, her tone sarcastic as a frown creased the other girl's face. "Who the hell could _ever_ love me? I don't even love me, and I'm _me_."

"…You're already drunk. Great." Chloe sighed, hanging her head a bit. Feeling her beer get snatched out of her hand entirely, Max mumbles a curse at the bluenette before heading out the sliding glass door. Hearing a sigh from behind her, Max looks over her shoulder and momentarily wilts at the forlorn expression on her girlfriend's face. "Where are you going, Max?"

"Well, since I can't even fucking drink in my own goddamn home, Imma go somewhere else, fucker."

Not getting a reply, Max felt a pain in her chest as she regretted what she had just said. _She came to see me. She's concerned about me and I just threw it back at her and laughed before gut-checking her_. _I don't understand – why do I get like…like_ this _?_ Kicking at rocks with her boots as she walked through the tree line and into the forest, Max stuffed her hands in her pockets after lighting up a cigarette. The nicotine didn't help much, but Max didn't want to run through her daily allotment of joints before the evening. Following a faint trail of grass that had been hacked through by herself only a couple weeks ago, Max headed toward the other property that belonged to her family.

* * *

A single-room cottage, isolated in the woods, had caught Max's eye weeks back when she had been having a particularly bad day. Nearly getting hit by a car in the neighboring town after its driver had cut her off, Max had sped after the car for roughly five minutes before heading home. Ryan still at work, Max had grabbed a bottle of whiskey before going exploring. Drunk and crying softly to herself, Max found the shack by accident. A loft bed accessible by ladder with a compact kitchen and single couch, Max pushed at the window until the latch inside gave way. _Ugh, it smells like mildew and old people_ had been Max's first thought until she realized that she had just found her own little place to escape to. For days after, Max would trudge through the woods and hack a path to her new hideout with a bucket of cleaning products slung over her back. With several air fresheners, various spray bottles, and a hand vacuum Max had a place that she could actually call her own.

"Home motherfucking home," Max said to herself as she opened the window and climbed inside, locking it before closing up the blackout curtains. Fumbling in the dark and cursing herself as she stubbed her toes a few times, Max turned on the oil lamps she had recovered from the main house's basement. A soft amber light filled the small cottage as Max laid back on the couch, reaching underneath it to pull back out the half-empty bottle of whiskey. Uncorking the bottle with a smile on her face and tears in her eyes, Max lifted her head up just enough to get a swallow of the burning liquor. Sighing in bitter relief as the now-familiar burning sensation gave her something else to focus on aside from the self-loathing and disappointment, Max laid back and stared at the ceiling.

"I didn't want this," Max said to herself, eyes blinking slowly as she seemed to look beyond the ceiling and roof, "I never wanted to be like this. I want to be back in Seattle, hanging with Kristen and Fernando at Local 360 while chatting up customers. I want to be on pins and needles as I wait for a message from Chloe about what we should do when she comes up for a visit. I'm only 17; what did I do to deserve this _bullshit_?"

Max took the bottle at " _bullshit_ " and threw it at the ceiling, watching it clunk against the ceiling before heading right for her as it fell. _Dumbass!_ Max thought to herself as she narrowly missed being hit by the falling bottle, the solid glass container bouncing on the old couch before rolling on the carpeted floor.

"Wowsers." Max snorted at the word, not able to recall the last time she'd actually said it. _Feels like another time, like something that doesn't belong here._ Shaking her head at how idiotic and funny her tossing the bottle was, Max reached down to pick it up when she heard a knock at the door. Max froze, giving the door a sidelong look with her lips thinned only to jump as a second knock was promptly followed by a third.

"Max…?" Chloe asked from outside, "Hey! Are you in there, Max?"

"…Uh…" _Shit!_ Max hurriedly tucked the bottle under the couch only to roll her eyes at the smell of spilled liquor now permeating the cottage's interior. _No use hiding it now. Nice going, Caulfield._ "J-Just a sec! The door's kinda jammed shut, Chloe. Come around to the window, yeah?"

Pulling the blackout curtains open, Max squinted and hissed a little at the bright sunlight before jumping in fright when a serious-faced Chloe Price came around to look at her through the old glass. _Shit. I pissed her off. Wait... Should I even fucking care at this point? She's probably just letting me know that she's leaving, that she's going and not coming back. Things would probably be better off for her if she did..._ Reluctantly putting a hand to the glass, her expression heartbreakingly sad, Max was surprised when Chloe met the gesture and tapped at the window with her fingertips.

"You gonna let me in, Maximillian?"

"Depends, I guess. You mad?"

"…Is that a meme reference or are you legit asking?"

"Legit."

"I'm…I'm upset, Max, but not pissed. I just want to talk. You're not just my girlfriend, Max. You're my best friend, like I'm hopefully still yours. Lemme in?" Despite Chloe's crooked grin and wink, Max flinched at the words left unsaid between them. Max knew the bluenette could be trusted, but Chloe was uncertain where Max's heart was at the moment. _That makes two of us, Che._ Turning the latch, Max lifted the window open and motioned for Chloe to come inside. "This your new hideout?"

"Welcome to the Legion of Doom, Chloe. Membership of one at present," Max said, a sardonic grin on her face as she motioned for Chloe to take a seat. She tried to not outright laugh when Chloe's nose wrinkled at the smell of spilled liquor, the mirth more self-deprecating and ironic in how broken Max felt. Max hadn't just fallen into her depression; she had nose-dived in and through it to something that felt even deeper and engulfing. The alcohol numbed her to the outside world sometimes, but it only left Max feeling even more trapped inside herself. Watching Chloe recline on the couch, Max willfully set her thoughts aside and raised an eyebrow when the bluenette opted to take up the _entire_ couch. "And just where the fuck am _I_ supposed to sit?"

Chloe eyed Max with an amused look for a minute, letting the tension she could see on Max's face settle before the brunette thankfully started to giggle a bit. When Chloe patted her lap after sitting up, Max walked over and chose to sit by Chloe instead. _Not entirely sure that's appropriate right now, Che. I'm decidedly on the naughty list right now, so Chloe Claus will have to be put on hold._ Seeing Chloe pout with puppy eyes, Max rolled her eyes.

"Really?" Max asked with a weak chuckle when Chloe followed up with her hands lifted up like a puppy's, limp-wristed and curled up into fists. When Chloe made a whining noise and nudged at the brunette's shoulder with her nose, Max hung her head and eyed Chloe before giving in. "You are the worst. How dare you go into full Chloe puppy mode?"

"B-But puppy," Chloe said, her voice soft which resulted in Max's disposition weakening even further. "I'm the world's greatest puppy _ever_ , nerd. Recognize." Chloe wrapped her arms around Max's waist and pulled Max over. The smaller girl huffed in surrender before nestling into her new seat on the bluenette's lap. Max looked to her side and saw Chloe's furrowed brow from earlier return after they exchanged quick smiles. "Max, I-"

"I'm sorry, Chloe," Max said, shoulders slumping as she leaned over so that her head partly buried in the crook of her girlfriend's neck. Desperate for a connection to anything outside her own head, Max felt herself drawn in to the warmth of Chloe's face and the reassurance in her embrace. "I-I don't know how to act anymore. Everything feels so…so _off_ , like I'm a beat late in a song or a picture that is _just_ out of focus. I'm happy when I feel like I should be sad or angry, and my mood goes to total shit like someone just flipped a switch in my head. The meds help some, but it feels like I'm a goddamn bomb and I'm just…I'm just _scared_ , Chloe. You…You went away and I had to deal with my mom being gone by myself and everything is just _fucking shit_!"

Max's voice becoming increasingly loud with each sentence, she felt her body tremble as pain kept to herself under a shell of avoidance moved closer to the forefront. _I can feel it, the need to just let everything out. It's like bubbles behind my skin, or something writhing inside me. Am I even still_ me _anymore? Is the person I was lying in wait for me to give up?_ Max thought as she tried to get up from Chloe's lap only to be drawn closer by a tattooed arm. Looking over at Chloe, Max felt her heart sink at the look of sadness in her girlfriend's eyes. Not covered up by a smirk or hidden away with a joke to misdirect, Chloe's eyes conveyed a sad empathy as she leaned over and kissed Max softly on the cheek.

"Are you that eager to fucking get rid of me?" Max held her breath at the naked vulnerability in Chloe's voice. She knew how difficult, sometimes painful, it was for Chloe to leave herself open, so Max sat in quiet as her girlfriend continued to speak. "You're not alone, Max. I-I was the same way you are now for a long time when my dad died and you left. I was hurt and hella pissed, and I still kinda am. I wanted to just give you and Joyce the finger for leaving me to my own goddamn misery. …Do you know how many times I tried to run after you left?"

"W-What?" Max asked, the image of a 14 year-old Chloe walking along some lonesome highway. _I figured after Seattle, with everything that you told me and showed me, that you had tried to run off at some point._ "H-Wow did you get?"

"I usually only got as far as Portland. Joyce realized after the first couple tries what was going on. My dumb ass used the same highway each time, I was so stupid. I hitched mostly, bumming rides so that I could save what money I had for a bus ride to Seattle. I wanted, _needed_ , to see you."

"C-Chloe…" Max's lip quivered but was held still by a single blue-nailed finger.

"Hush, babe. No worries for me, okay? This isn't about me. I'm here for you, and I'm not leaving," The tenderness in Chloe's voice caused Max to frown and was met with a kiss on the lips. _Warm, soft, crushing_ were Max's thoughts as she felt Chloe's lips on her own. _I don't deserve you, Chloe. I feel so wrong and you're being so goddamn sweet. Oh,_ _it's been so damn long, Che. How can a month feel like forever?_ "I was going to Seattle… I was going to apologize. For all the hurtful shit I had said."

When Max found herself lost for words, Chloe responded by gently bringing the smaller girl's head back into where it had been resting. In the crook of Chloe's neck, Max stared off absently as Chloe's situation from four years ago and her current situation paralleled each other. _William died and I left. My mom died and you left._ _We had no control, and only ached more from the emptiness. How long were you like this, like I am now? Months? Years? Are you_ still _like this and just don't show me, Chloe?_

"No, Chloe, I'm the one being a hurtful shit. _I'm_ the one who should-"

"Max, let's just saw we both suck, okay? I didn't even realize what me taking off for Arcadia meant for you. My mom and your dad were hella driven to get me back into Blackwell and I just _caved_. I spent a month watching you seemingly fade away, looking after you. I guess I was scared, too. Heh, more like terrified." The fatigue in Chloe's voice brought Max's hand to her girlfriend's face as she gently kissed a cheek. Wiping away the tears on the bluenette's face with a thumb, Max's love for Chloe was equal only to her own self-loathing.

"I don't deserve you," Max said, the coldness in her voice making Chloe flinch as she rose from the other girl's lap to begin pacing the length of her hideout. "You want to make things better, Chloe, and I _really_ want you to but there are some things that I can't fucking change back. I can't go to how I was."

"I… I know that, Max. I'm not saying-"

"Do you know how much I hate myself?" Max asked, looking over to see the shocked expression on her girlfriend's face. "Do you know how much I wished that everyone in my life who gives even half a shit about me could hate me, too? There are times when I feel that it would be easier for everyone to hate me, so that I wouldn't have to deal with how hard it is to take in all your love."

"Max, I-I-" Chloe reached out towards an increasingly angry Max only to have her hand brushed away as the brunette cut her off.

"What happens when I get to be too much, anyway, too much of _this_ ," Max gestured at herself with a revolted expression, "to keep you? Chloe, _why can't you just hate me like I already do_?!"

"M-Max-"

"I _k-killed_ my mom, Chloe! I-I said those things to her and I never g-got a chance to take them back! She hit me, made me feel like shit, but… Chloe, why did she h-have to die? Why do such awful goddamn things happen? Where's my mom?"

With the last question, Max felt to her knees and broke inside. The despair she'd held in check with anger overpowering her, Max leaned down and buried her face in the carpet as gut-wrenching sobs nearly made her vomit from the strength of each violent cry. Moaning in anguish, Max slammed a small fist into the floor as she cried out for her mom. _I didn't want you to die, Mom. Why did you have to leave? Why did you have to go?_

" _WHY_?" Max's raised voice wasn't angry or pained; the lack of tone reflected the simplicity of her question. A desperate query from a desolate girl, the question seemed to shake Max to her core as the crying only intensified when no answer came.

Max's numbness was so encompassing that she didn't realize Chloe was holding her until they were both seated on the couch once again. Feeling strong arms wrapped around her, Max felt the slight rocking sensation as Chloe softly hummed with her chin resting on the brunette's head. Max buried her face once more into the other girl's neck and clutched at the bluenette's shirt fearfully.

"I-I don't know what'd happen if you left, too," Max's voice was hoarse as she fought her body's hyperventilating, "I-I can't do this without-"

"You're not doing any of this without me, Maxaroni," Chloe's whisper soothed a bit as her dry sobs turned into a nearly-muted whimpers. "Hey, is your dad going to be home while I'm here?"

"W-Why?" Max asked, looking up from her resting place on Chloe's chest to see a resolute expression on the punk's face.

"He and I need to real talk."

 **Author's Note –**

 **First, I am** _ **so**_ **sorry if this generates too many feels. I wrote Part one, put it out, and realized that I couldn't just pull a happy Part 2 off. I wanted to, Goddess knows I did, but I also wanted to continue my realistic approach. Plus, well, how Max acted in this chapter mirrors how I've been in the years since my deployment. The goading of her therapist at the beginning is a pretty close bit of dictation to how one of my final counseling sessions in the active military went. When you get tossed around in the system for years, you tend to no longer give a shit about playing along.**

 **Read, review, and I will see you here for Part 3!**

 **Stay hella, Cinnamon Rolls!**


	3. Chapter 3

**The World I Used To Know Part 3**

 **The Longer I Run**

 **Song by Peter Bradley Adams**

 **November 16, 2012**

The crisp autumn air of early morning settled over Chloe Price as she leaned against Max Caulfield's hideaway deep in the woods near the Caulfield residence. Smoking her third cigarette in a row, she wiped at her eyes with a free hand as she used the other to draw the wool Army blanket closer to her. _Ugh, it's four in the fucking morning. It is four in the morning and I'm up while Max is passed the fuck out. Ugh._ Chloe felt the staleness of each cigarette, an old pack that she mistakenly took from the carton under her truck's bench seat. Cringing at the waste of otherwise perfectly good smokes, Chloe inhaled the bitter smoke and kept it in longer than usual before letting it out in a billowy gust.

Four in the morning was way too early for Chloe's taste but she also had to acknowledge the fact she'd yet to really fall asleep. Thinking of the warm bed inside, made warmer by the small, freckle-faced girl resting in its many blankets, Chloe smiled as she flicked the cigarette butt away from the one-room cottage. Opening the window just enough for her to slip back inside, Chloe eyed the loft bed with a indecisive look. _I managed to get maybe an hour before sitting up and smacking my head on the low-as-fuck ceiling._ Gently putting a hand to her hairline, Chloe winced at the small bump and grabbed her beanie from the couch. Yanking the hat onto her head, Chloe walked over to the kitchen and opened the mini-fridge.

"Do you not fucking eat anything aside from junk food in here, Max?" Chloe muttered to herself, rolling her eyes at the half-empty box of pizza rolls and Bagel Bites. While normally not minding that kind of food, Chloe wanted something more substantial. _Where's my hella breakfast goodness? Even Eggos would be totally appreciated right now._ Sighing, Chloe shut the fridge door and tossed her blanket cocoon on the couch. Picking her jacket off the couch's armrest, Chloe ascended the stairs before crawling up to the bed. _She's so beautiful when she's asleep, all the bullshit she's going through replaced with just a sleeping Max. So fucking cute, you little nerd._ Kissing her girlfriend on the cheek a few times, lips brushing against Max's cheek, Chloe nudged Max's jawline with her nose until a single eye half-opened and a sleepy grin spread across Max's face.

"There she is," Chloe said, her voice hushed and kind as she gave Max a single kiss on the lips.

"Here I am," Max said, putting a hand to her mouth to stifle a yawn, "But you look like you're going somewhere…"

"You got anything to eat at the big house that resembles a hot breakfast? It's so cold in here, Max. If I had balls, they'd have sucked into me and turned into ovaries just to keep warm." Chloe smirked at the yawn-laugh combo she got from Max before the brunette shook her head in reply. "A'ight. Guess I'm goin' shopping…"

"Let me get-"

"Nope," Chloe gently pushed Max's chest so that the brunette fell back into bed, "You stay here and sleep, my little love monkey. The next town is like five minutes if I haul ass. I want to do something nice."

"Chloe Price, are you gonna make me breakfast in bed?" Max's smile widened and Chloe felt herself compelled to meet the brilliance on the other girl's face with her lips. "… _mmm_ , Chloe… Chloe, you can't eat me for breakfast…"

"Sure I can… _mmm_ , tasty…," Chloe smiled as she kissed Max, feeling the brunette's warm tongue gently slide across her lips as they parted only to couple back together. "Max Caulfield, part of a totally balanced breakfast. _Sheeeee's GAY_!"

"Okay, 'Chloe the Tiger'. Enough of the sugar," Max giggled as she carefully pushed Chloe aside so that the bluenette wouldn't knock her head against the ceiling. "Don't hit your head again."

"You heard that?"

"It was a pretty loud echo."

"You asshole. Cook your own damn foo-, _oof_!" Chloe's eyes widened in surprise when Max pulled her in for one more kiss, the bluenette feeling Max's small hands cup her face. _Oh dude, you're like a little furnace. Maybe I should just stay and get "warm"…_

"Bring me food, woman," Max teased, giving Chloe a peck on the nose before burying herself in comforters, twinkling blue eyes looking out in the small cottage's dimness.

 _...Or not. Guess I'm off to play breadwinner. Yay me. More cold. Shit._ Carefully backpedaling down the staircase, Chloe checked her jacket for the truck keys before exiting through the window. Closing the sole working entrance behind her, she zipped up her leather jacket and headed out into the woods as the first glow of dawn began to turn the sky a deep violet hue.

The Caulfields' house was empty and dark when Chloe entered through Max's sliding glass door. Locking the door behind her, Chloe took in the bits of glass and wood, the stacks of boxes set against one wall; the pill bottles and everything about this room felt decidedly wrong to the bluenette, like a warped reflection. _This isn't Max. At least, not_ my _Max. Goddamn, girl, you've taken a fucking nosedive…_ Brushing her fingers along the dresser and Max's bed, the Spartan-like bedroom was alien to her as she went in the bathroom. Brushing her teeth with Max's toothbrush, Chloe grinned at how Max hated it when she did that. _She'd huff and talk about germs and all the mysterious crap that could be in my mouth. Germaphobe much?_ Spitting out a mouthful of water she'd cupped with her hand, Chloe wiped at her mouth with the sleeve of her jacket and flipped off the bathroom light. The blackout curtains keeping the approaching dawn out, Chloe's eyes took a moment to adjust before she made her way to the bed. Swiping Max's pill bottles and putting them in her jacket pocket, Chloe walked out into the hallway.

Walking hurriedly from the front door, Chloe climbed in her truck and rubbed her hands to get warm after starting the engine up. Letting her vehicle warm itself a bit, Chloe turned on the heater and leaned her face into the dash vent. Sighing in relief as a gust of warm air smacked at her freezing-cold face, Chloe raised her hands to the vent and let them get toasty as she leaned herself back into the bench seat. _I tell Max that I'm going to get food, but I have no idea what the hell to make. I mean, I_ know _how to cook. Joyce…Joyce and Dad saw to that, and Max helped when she was around. What to make, what to make… Not waffles, though. We always have fucking waffles…_

* * *

The chain grocery store was open 24/7 to Chloe's relief as she pulled into the parking lot. While some of the parking lot lights were out, the glow from smoked glass out front made the place feel somewhat comfortable to the bluenette as she turned her truck off. Locking the driver's side door behind her, _When the fuck have I ever actually_ locked _my ride up?_ , Chloe sauntered over to a lone cart. Pushing the cart fast enough to let her ride it, Chloe smiled as she made her way inside.

"Lemme see. What sounds good?" Chloe asked herself, tapping her chin with a single, blue-nailed finger as she looked over at one of the cashiers standing nearby. "Dude, what sounds good for breakfast right now?"

"Uh-" the cashier, looking like he was half-asleep, gave the bluenette a confused look only to see Chloe slice a hand across her own neck.

"Ehhh! Took too long! Go back to being the walking dead," Chloe cut the grocery store employee off before riding the cart down an aisle. "Well, this is soup. Soup is _not_ what's for breakfast. 'Here, Max, have some clam chowder first thing in the morning! It's hella good!' Ugh, fuck no. Breakfast is _breakfast_."

Grabbing a jug of orange juice from a row of coolers in the back, Chloe side-stepped to the nearby produce section. Looking at the cartons of eggs, Chloe took one and inspected its contents. Seeing a couple of eggs with hairline cracks, Chloe almost dropped it in favor of another carton when she saw a grocer watching her from a couple aisles to her right. Flipping the middle-aged woman off, smiling the entire time, Chloe set the carton of cracked eggs aside and took one filled with wholly intact eggs. Whistling "Hi Ho, Hi Ho…" as she pushed the cart along, Chloe grabbed a tin of biscuit batter, shredded cheese, and some butter before heading down to the aisle that contained all the spices. Grabbing a shaker of pepper, one of salt, and a small bottle of cayenne pepper, Chloe marched right up to the register and bit her lip to restrain her laughter when she saw that the same middle-aged woman she'd flipped off was having to check her out.

"Too fucking early, huh?" Chloe asked politely, setting her purchases on the countertop to the older woman's chagrin, "Oh, and a couple packs of the cheapest smokes you got. Stale-ass shit's all I got left."

"ID?" the cashier asked in a monotonous tone, lifting her gaze sluggishly when Chloe all but shoved her driver's license in the woman's face. "This it?"

Chloe looked at the rack of candy bars and gun nestled behind her and grabbed a couple chocolate bars. Handing them to the cashier, Chloe flashed the woman a sarcastic grin.

"Now it is!" _Ha ha, surprise chocolate!_

Speeding back into the Caulfields' gravel driveway, Chloe pulled in and switched the truck off only to let out a frustrated grunt when Max came out in a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie. Pulling her two bags of groceries out from the passenger side floorboard, Chloe slammed her door shot and wagged a finger in the sleepy girl's direction.

"Your butt's supposed to be sleepin', lady," Chloe admonished, tilting her head down to kiss Max on the forehead, "Back to the fort with you!"

"Fort 2.0?" Max asked, scratching at her side, "Che, have you seen my pills?"

Chloe pulled them out of her jacket pocket and handed the small bottles to a thankful Max. _Maybe her sleepiness is keeping the Kraken-Max from rising and swallowing up this adorable, sleepy nerd. Stay sleepy, Max, at least until I get you something to wolf down!_ Offering her free arm, Chloe smiled when Max took it with both of her hands. Walking around the house and into the backyard, Chloe traversed the dawn-lit forest with Max at her side, its evergreen needles underfoot and tall Douglas-firs all around.

"I can't walk very well if you're leaning on me, dude," Chloe said mirthfully, amused at how Max was trying to walk and leaning on her shoulder.

"Okay," Max said, her eyes hazy as she kept her head right where it was on Chloe's shoulder.

"Goober," Chloe teased, finally getting Max to lift her head up only to see a curious expression.

"'Goober'?"

"…Dad called me that when…when I was little," Chloe said, a twinge of pain in her chest that was calmed by the feeling of Max wrapping an arm around Chloe's waist as they kept walking, "Fucking weird. I don't think I've said that in… Don't you fucking pout, Max Caulfield. It's meant to be cute and shit. Oh, go ahead and giggle. Please, smartass, keep going. Make fun of the girl who's gonna feed you. I see how it is, I see what you're doing there."

Max placed a few tender kisses on Chloe's cheek, her breath caressing the bluenette's face only to have it turn red from blushing. Chloe replied by sticking her tongue out and giving the amused brunette a wink.

"At least you know how to properly bribe a gal, Max," Chloe said, winking at Max, "Who said you were supposed to stop? _No way_ we're even, babe."

The two girls continued on through the forest, the crisp air and brightening sky alternating between the cold of autumn and infrequent flashes of warmth from the piercing rays of sunlight. There was a stillness about the area that appealed to Chloe, the quiet of the forest calming her own inner turmoil. _A month. I've been away from you a month and look how far you've fallen, Max. I should never have left, shouldn't have ever given in to Joyce or your dad. I need at least a high school education, though. You can't expect me to just drop school or let myself get kicked out entirely. I only got back in because my mom wouldn't let up on Principal Wells. Fuck, Max, you have no restraint!_ Jerking her head up so that Max couldn't see the frown on her face, Chloe rubbed at her cold cheeks with the hand carrying her grocery bags as they approached the cottage.

With Max restricted to the loft bed, Chloe demanding the brunette let her make breakfast for them by herself, the bluenette quickly set up her ingredients. The oven and stove-top were both gas; to Chloe's relief, there was sufficient fuel to keep them nice and hot. _She has an oven and a tank of gas for it, but no goddamn heater? Way to prioritize, Max. How do you even cook your microwavable junk? This oven looks like it hasn't been used in years…_ Sighing to herself, Chloe mixed the eggs, spices, and cheese appropriately before putting a chunk of butter in the skillet she'd found in one of Max's cupboards. Sliding the biscuits in the oven with an old cookie sheet, Chloe poured the egg concoction in the skillet and smiled at the sizzling of her and Max's breakfast cooking. Feeling that she was being watched, Chloe quirked an eyebrow and looked over her shoulder to see Max watching her, the brunette hanging her head over the loft bed's edge.

"Food," Max said pitifully, her face partly obscured by dangling strands of chestnut hair.

"You are not allowed to peek, Max," Chloe said, wadding up a small amount of the shredded cheese and popping it into her mouth. Hearing a whimper come from Max at the sight of the shredded cheese ball, Chloe rolled her eyes and wadded up another morsel of cheese before feeding it to her now-smiling girlfriend. "Max, are you okay? I know it's fucking stupid to ask, but I don't know how else to word it."

"…You mean 'are you going to flip out again', right?" Max tone was neutral, but the pleasantness from only a handful of seconds before had diminished.

"Don't get mad. Please? I'm just worried about you, dude. I've… I've never seen you like this before, Max. I don't see you for a month and it's like your life went to shit and all I want to do is just make you smile the entire weekend," Chloe looked up from her fidgeting hands to see Max's neutral expression soften a bit before her head disappeared only to be replaced with a set of legs as she slid off the loft's side and landed on the floor only a couple feet away.

"I-I don't know, Chloe. It's not like I have a… a schedule or anything," Max looked away, her arms wrapped tight across her chest as she chewed on the string of her hoodie, "You want a straight answer and all I can do is wish I had one. I'm fucking broken, Che. An overnight fix isn't really a thing."

"I'm not asking for that, Max. Fuck, I'm no good at this sensitive shit," Chloe shook her head before returning to the eggs and biscuits. Mumbling incoherently as she scrambled the eggs up, Chloe nearly melted into the small arms that wrapped around her waist from behind. "I wish I had stayed, Max. I left you hanging, left my best friend and girlfriend to deal with her epic hurt. I should have been here."

"I wish you had, Che, but… I know that you needed to go back," Max sounded to Chloe like she was reluctant to admit what she'd just said, but they both knew it was true. "You had to take care of yourself after taking care of me when I was… well, you know how I was…"

"When you were-"

"Please don't say it," A steely edge to Max's otherwise pleading voice silenced Chloe. _How do you get over something like that?_ Chloe wondered as she looked over her shoulder to see Max looking up at her with watery eyes. _Do your pills even_ do _anything? Isn't there anything better? This is hella fucked up._

"Go back to bed. Food's getting close and I'd like to at least keep the illusion of serving you a surprise breakfast," Chloe said, a corner of her mouth curled up in a wry smile. Max narrowed her eyes before letting out a huff.

"Fine. Kick me out of my own kitchen. Whatever," Max teased, flipping Chloe off before climbing the stairs and plopping down on the bed with a light _thud_ emanating from over Chloe's head.

Scooping out the eggs into two mismatched bowls she'd managed to find, Chloe used a tattered bundle of dishrags to pull out the hot cookie sheet. The smell of butter and toasty baked goods wafted through the cottage as Chloe set the sheet down and gingerly plucked a couple biscuits off for herself and another two for Max.

"You want juice? You don't have any coffee, Maxaroni," Chloe called up to her girlfriend.

"There's instant somewhere down there, but juice is fine," Max shouted back from the loft, "Do you need any-"

"I got it, Max. Remember – maintain the illusion, babe." Chloe laughed as she collected the bowls, eggs and biscuits steaming within. Max's obnoxiously loud, fake snoring was broken up unevenly with a giggle as the bluenette began to carefully ascend the staircase. "'Kay, asswipe. There's such a thing as fucking _tact_."

"Beware punks bearing foodstuffs," Chloe said setting her bowl down on the top stair as she climbed into the low-ceiling loft and waved a bowl of hot food in Max's face, the brunette's eyes closed and mouth stretched in a wide grin.

"You're too good to me, y'know that?" Max asked as she quickly sat up and took the proffered fork and bowl. Setting them on the window sill to her right, Max patted at the empty space next to her and Chloe flashed her a grin before joining her. Kicking off her boots, Chloe laid on top of her share of the bedding while Max snuggled up to her waist in the blankets. Forking a lump of cheesy eggs into her mouth, Max rolled her eyes up in dreamy satisfaction to Chloe's delight. "Oh my Dog, Chloe, this is so good!"

"Of course it is! Max Caulfield, did you actually doubt me? You know you're speaking to a Price, right?"

"The Price usually _is_ right, huh?" Max's pun made Chloe roll her eyes, Max choking a bit from laughing while a second forkful of egg was going down her throat. "…Ow. Death by eggs, what a cruel twist. It is pretty _egg_ ucational, though. A lesson learned."

"Max, please stop with the puns. Please," Chloe held the pieces of biscuit and egg in her mouth to prevent from choking as a giggle tried to escape her own throat. _Do not laugh, Chloe Price. Max will only pun harder if you do, and while you like it when she's in hella brighter spirits the puns are_ not _worth sacrificing food. Don't succumb to the temptation!_

They ate their meal in comfortable silence after that, Chloe making a trip back to the kitchen before returning with two more bowls of eggs. Neither girl had eaten supper the night before, so their empty stomachs took the offerings of eggs, cheese, and bread with a relish. Chloe affectionately fed Max bits of her biscuit to both girls' delight, Chloe's smile only getting brighter as Max giggled after each bite with her nose scrunching up just like Chloe loved. When Chloe let out a small burp, both girls giggled before turning into fits of laughter when Max let out a louder burp. Faces red and voice hoarse from seemingly endless laughing, Chloe and Max both went downstairs for some water.

Chloe watched Max take her medication and felt as though the sweet start to their morning was coming to an end. _Back to reality, I guess,_ Chloe thought with a mental shrug before a yawn abruptly escaped from inside her. Putting the back of her head to her mouth to try and stifle it, the weariness of not being able to sleep caught up with the bluenette and Chloe leaned against the counter as fatigue began to settle in. _Heh, of course I'm tired now that Max is fucking wide awake. Makes all the_ lack _of sense in the world!_

"You sleepy?" Max asked, popping a pill into her mouth before taking a drink of her water, "Chloe, seriously, you _can_ go to sleep. It's not like I am a fucking invalid."

"You sure? I mean, about being cool with me catching some ZZZs?" Chloe had noticed the faint irritation when Max had said 'fucking' and couldn't shake the worry about her girlfriend's state of mind. _She was a wreck yesterday, full of piss and rage. I got her calm after she broke down, but I don't want her to fucking regress when I can help._ "I can-"

"Go to sleep, Chloe. I'll still be here when you wake up." Chloe felt a warmth on her cheek as Max planted a gentle kiss before pulling a laptop out of the camera bag. Watching Max take a seat on the couch, putting on a set of headphones as her laptop powered on, Chloe sleepily pulled herself up the stairs and into the loft bed. She didn't remain awake for much longer as the sleepiness her mind had instinctively held back for hours finally caught up. _I'm…I'm j-just worried, Max. I love you, so… so I'm allowed to be worried…nerd…_

* * *

 _The reception after the funeral was small and intimate, family traveling to Arcadia Bay in attendance as well as local friends and neighbors. Chloe sat in her room, changing from the black dress her mother had made her wear into jeans and a black t-shirt. Her eyes bloodshot and puffy, Chloe had spent most of the service in tears, silently crying as she just stared ahead at where William Price's coffin was located. A smiling picture of her father looked at her and all she could feel was pain and betrayal._ Why did you leave me, Dad? Why couldn't Mom have just taken the bus or something? You fucking leave me, and now I find out Max is leaving next week?! You're all abandoning me, _Chloe thought bitterly as she ripped the dress apart with shaking hands before tossing it aside._

 _Stomping out into the second floor hallway, Chloe had swung her door open with enough force that it banged against the wall and drew unwanted attention in the form of Joyce Price. Her mother coming out of the bathroom with a concerned, puzzled look, Chloe rolled her eyes before heading down the stairs. The last person she wanted to have anything to do with right now was her mom. Well, the second-to-last person; Chloe had been avoiding Max for a week now, and while she knew it wasn't fair to the brunette, Chloe didn't really care about anyone's feelings but her own._

" _I'm allowed to be selfish," Chloe tried to reassure herself as she slipped into the garage, closing and locking the door behind her. Hiding in her mother's station wagon, Chloe laid down in the back seat and shut her eyes._

 _Time passed by without Chloe paying much attention, and by the time she realized it most of the reception attendees were long gone. Only the Caulfields remained, Ryan and Vanessa sharing a pot of coffee with a weary-eyed Joyce at the dinner table._

" _Chloe, where have you been? I've been worried sick," Joyce said, sighing as an irritable Chloe approached, "Never mind Max. That girl has been in tears the entire time. You should really talk to her, sweetie."_

 _"Why?" the harshness of her tone bit into everyone present, including Chloe, "I-I didn't mean for it to come out like that. I just… You're all leaving, so why bother? She'll move on and I'll still be here…"_

" _I-I could never forget you, Che…," Chloe froze at the sound of Max's heartbreakingly soft voice, the plaintive tone full of remorse as she spoke, "I… I was hoping to talk to you today, before we left. There's s-something I need to say. In p-private."_

 _Chloe raised an eyebrow in curiosity but shrugged and led Max up the stairs and into her room. Making sure to close the door more quietly than earlier, Chloe locked her room up behind her and gestured for Max to take a seat. Watching Max nervously fidget in her seat at the end of Chloe's bed, the taller girl took a seat at her desk and watched Max. Max opened her mouth to speak only to close it and look at her hands in thought before repeating the gestures again and again._ Just get it over with, Max. Tell me that this is goodbye and leave me the fuck alone. I'm… I'm tired, Max. Please, please just go…

" _Chloe… You're my best friend and you make me feel so special every time we hang out. I-I know that I'm not the easiest person to get along with. I get really quiet and can sometimes be a pain with m-my shyness and all," Max said, pushing her index fingers against each other as her words came out methodically. "I don't want this to be the end. I… I like you, Che."_

 _"I like you too, Max. You're my bestie. Why the fuck do you-" Chloe started to say until the look on Max's face cut her off._

" _No, Chloe. I_ like _you. Like-like."_

 _"…You… You like me, like as more than a best friend forever?" the shock in Chloe's voice was nothing compared to the spiraling emotions that suddenly engulfed her._ Max is crushing on _me_? No, no this is not real. She's fucking with me because Max is fucking leaving me and this is just petty. _"Bullshit."_

" _C-Chloe…," Max's eyes started to become watery but Chloe didn't care anymore. Max was leaving and the only thing she could do right now was be angry._

 _"You fucking say this_ now _, when you're leaving in less than a week? You're cruel, Max. You like me as more than a friend? Good for you. I wish you would just leave me alone, just fucking die and leave me behind like everyone else. Go on, get lost!" Chloe's venomous tone shook the brunette apart and Max ran for the door before Chloe could fully take in what she had just said._

 _"Oh fuck. Oh, fucking shit," Chloe mumbled, horrified at her words as she heard a bawling Max run down the stairs and out the door. Hearing both Max's parents and her mom calling out from the kitchen, Chloe bolted out of her room and the house altogether in pursuit of the girl who had just confessed to her._ What the fuck have I done? _Chloe thought as she finally caught sight of Max, the smaller girl running across the street. Chloe's legs were longer, and because she wasn't in a fit of tears like Max she was able to catch up to the fleeing brunette. Chloe caught Max by the shoulder but the smaller girl was frozen, unable to be pulled back so that Chloe could see the look on Max's face._

 _"Max? Max, I'm sorry. I just… You're leaving me here and I wish you were staying-" Chloe cried out in fear when Max spun around and found herself getting stared down by a 17 year-old Max Caulfield._

" _I wish I had died," the older Max said, her voice shaking, to a Chloe who now found herself 18 years old. Chloe was speechless, able to only backpedal away from the menacing, crying brunette, "Why should I stay, Chloe? I left you, and what did you do? You left me right back! YOU LEFT ME!"_

* * *

Chloe's eyes opened wide and she took in a deep breath to stop herself from shuddering as tears silently fell from her eyes. Wiping at her face with one of the blankets, Chloe pulled her phone out from her jeans and felt the surge of terror from her nightmare slowly fade. _I haven't had a nightmare that bad in a long-as-fuck time. I've got chills, and not just because it's still kinda crispy. I did leave her, though, after I bitched for years how she had left me. I pushed her, she left, and I left her when she needed me the most. I suck. I fucking suck._ It was at the end of her inner dialogue that Chloe realized that Max crying at the end of her dream was still continuing.

"Max?" Chloe cried out, looking over the edge of the loft to find out she was the only inhabitant of the cottage. The bluenette scrambled down the stairs, boots in one hand and jacket in another as she hastily got dressed. "Goddamnit. Max? Max, where the fuck d'you run off to?"

The crying was coming from nearby, the faint sound of someone weeping between hiccups; Chloe hurried out of the cottage and saw a mess of brunette hair sticking out from behind a tree deeper in the woods. Max appeared to be sitting against the tree trunk, facing away from the cottage, and Chloe sprinted toward the sight of her grief-stricken girlfriend.

"Max! Max, what are you… Oh fuck! Max!" Chloe put a hand to her mouth as she took in the sight of her girlfriend.

Max's right hand was broken, knuckles split open and bleeding as the brunette gingerly held her wrist. Whimpering, Max's lip was trembling but there was a look of rage that appeared to be marginally contained. _She's like a wounded animal. What the fuck did you hit, Max, and what the fucking_ hell _were you doing hitting anything in the first goddamn place?!_ Silently helping her crying girlfriend up, Chloe wrapped an arm around Max's shoulder and pressed the brunette's head into the crook of her neck.

"Max… Why? Why would you go and do something so fucking batshit, babe?" Chloe's own voice was trembling, shaken by the evidence of her girlfriend's violent streak. _I didn't even know you got like this. Worst girlfriend ever. I should get a t-shirt._ "Talk to me, Max."

"I-I… _ow_ , I just get so mad sometimes. It's so hard to control," Max choked out, sniffling as she tried to get a hold of herself, "You're leaving tomorrow, my Dad is rarely here because of work, and I'm surrounded by nothing but trees and fucking assholes who would just as soon as stare at me than try and help me. I needed to _do_ something-"

"So you just fucking hit a tree, is that it? Max... ugh, Goddamnit. Babe, you _broke your fucking hand_." Chloe's stern tone got a flash of something hostile in Max's eyes that seemed to waver the instant it appeared.

"What the fuck else am I supposed to do? I smoked two fucking joints, and I'm afraid of becoming an alcoholic at 17 so I opted to not booze it up, Chloe. You got any better ideas?"

"Maxine Caulfield," Chloe was fed up with the shitty way Max was talking to her. She wanted to just press Max against her in a hug, but the brunette wasn't really listening so much as reacting, "You fucking listen to me. I love you, okay? I fucking love you so goddamn much that I cried my eyes out over and over when I moved back to Arcadia Bay. I got into my truck after I left you at the sidewalk and saw you bawling when I looked over my shoulder. It hella ate me up, so I will not let you hurt yourself like this. You hear me? I will not have this goddamn shit!"

Max's lip began to tremble but fresh tears did not come. Instead, Chloe saw something like recognition in Max's eyes as the openly hostile body language subsided into a state of weary pain. Max looked down at her hand, then back up at Chloe. _You better make up your damn mind, Max. I won't put up with this, you hurting yourself. We both know how that goes and if this is where you're headed I'll pull you back by your goddamn hair._

"I-I kinda fucked up, didn't I?" Max said, her tone mousey and faintly apologetic. "Chloe, I d-didn't mean to scare you. I'm just… I feel like I don't know which way is up anymore, y'know? My mood flips like crazy and I can't keep up. It's like watching someone live your life only you're trapped inside and forced to watch. You see what is happening but feel so little of it that when you _do_ feel something it is so fucking overpowering."

Chloe took in a deep breath and pulled Max a little closer to her as they resumed walking. Pulling out her cell phone, Chloe shot Ryan Caulfield a quick text that explained what had happened. The girls had barely made it to the backyard before Ryan had responded. Letting Max use her bathroom to clean herself up, Chloe sat on Max's bed and typed away.

 **Ryan: Oh god, is she alright?**

 **Chloe: I'm pretty sure Max broke her hand. Her knuckles are a bloody mess, Papa C.**

 **Chloe: You… You can't just fucking leave her here day after day**

 **Chloe: I'm sorry to say that but I'm also not. This is all so hella confusing. She's here by herself and there's only what she has going on in her head to keep her company.**

 **Ryan: …I know, Chloe**

 **Chloe: Do you? I know I bounced but you and Joyce all but forced me to. You have me and Max's best interests at heart or whatever, but Max needs me like I fucking need her. Something pretty hardcore, dude.**

 **Ryan: I KNOW, Chloe. What are you getting at?**

 **Chloe: Can you come home for dinner, when I get back from taking Max to get her hand looked at? We need to have a sit-down and hash something out, Papa C. Real talk.**

"W-What'd my Dad say?" Max asked timidly as they approached the truck, Chloe's face a mask of regret as the look Max gave her the lecture popped into her head. _Is she scared of me now?_

"Parental worries and shit," Chloe said as she strapped Max in before snapping her own seatbelt in place. Putting her key into the truck's ignition, Chloe turned to look at Max. "I'm not mad, Mad Max."

"…I know."

"I'm just hella worried, babe. I love you and I'm afraid of losing you to, well, your own shit."

"Yeah…"

"Max," Chloe took Max's uninjured hand in her own and intertwined their fingers. Raising their hands to Max's eye level, Chloe bit her lip. "I'm not going anywhere, nerd. I love you and I swear I'll never leave you. I might be back in Arcadia Bay with you here, but that doesn't mean I'm gone. Just hold onto me back, okay?"

"…C-Chloe…," Max's sniffled but didn't cry, dry sobs coming from her as she carefully laid her head in Chloe's lap. "I'm s-sorry for scaring y-you. I'm s-so terrified, I feel like I can't control myself _so goddamn much_ …"

"I know, baby," Chloe leaned down to kiss Max's chestnut hair, "If the bumps and shit don't bother you too much, just rest your head right there and I'll get your hand looked at. You got your insurance card?"

"Y-Yeah."

"Then let's get your hand fixed up. Not gonna let you keep me in the hospital when all I want is you."

* * *

Max's hand was in a cast up to her elbow and Chloe felt miserable at the sight of her injured girlfriend. _I should have stayed awake. She didn't even bother to wake me when she started to fall the fuck apart. Does Max not trust me anymore? She's pushing everyone away…like I did…_ Chloe had blown up when the doctor had motioned for her to wait in the reception area, escorting Max behind a set of double doors as Chloe cussed him out and flipped off the nurses that looked at her in surprise. Max hadn't come back out for a few hours, both girls fortunate that it was a slow day at the clinic only 10 minutes out from Max's house. Waving the arm that was in a cast, Max's melancholic disposition from earlier had been replaced with some degree of calm. Waving back feebly, Chloe frowned at the sight of a cast on Max's forearm.

"Are you-, ugh, I've got to stop asking that, don't I? I'm such a dumbass sometimes, I suck." Chloe said, rolling her eyes as she dragged a hand across her face. Uncovering her eyes, Chloe saw Max give her a weak smile as the brunette cupped her face with the hand not in a cast.

"I-I'm the one who is sorry, Che. This… This is just going to take some time, I guess. Heh, maybe I shouldn't blow my counselor off…"

"You _can_ talk to me, Max. I am trustworthy, right?" Chloe's hesitation drew even more hesitation and the brunette stood on her tip-toes to give Chloe a loving kiss on the lips.

"The trustworthiest. Swear. Can we go home now?"

Offering her hand, Chloe took Max's uninjured hand and they walked out of the reception area. Opening the door for Max, the brunette blushing a little at the gesture, Chloe shut it behind her and walked around the truck to climb into the driver's side. Buckling Max first before herself, Chloe yanked her beanie off her head and pulled it onto Max's. Seeing the brunette give her a classic nose-scrunching smile, Chloe lit up with a matching smile before turning the ignition as she pulled out of the parking lot and headed back in the direction they had come.

Not realizing that it was in the evening's early hours, Chloe and Max were both a little surprised to find Ryan Caulfield's car already parked along the house driveway. Pulling up behind the SUV, Chloe carefully lifted Max out of the passenger seat to Max's embarrassed chagrin. _You're adorable in any flavor, moody or not_ , Chloe thought with a small grin as she tilted Max's chin up for a kiss. Chloe brought all the pent-up wanting that came with being away from Max for a month, mixed it with her desperate need to keep the little brunette safe, and poured it into the kiss she gave.

Max's hand reached out and grasped Chloe's jacket, a small whimper of matching neediness leading the bluenette to press herself a little closer against Max. Two pairs of soft lips collided and moved rhythmically as the girls took their love for each other in. _They must've given her some candy when they stitched her up_ , Chloe thought amusingly to herself as she took in a sweet, citrusy taste on Max's tongue. _Orange?_ Max's tongue swirled in Chloe's mouth, Chloe's tongue massaging it in return as she brought a hand around to the small of Max's back. Feeling Max let out a pleased moan as she gripped harder on the bluenette's jacket, Chloe let out a satisfied purr of her own before getting an awkward-sounding cough from the porch.

"Um, I brought some pizzas from a couple towns over," Ryan Caulfield said, shuffling his feet a bit at the front door as Chloe awkwardly scratched at the back of her head. Looking at Max for support, Chloe was pleasantly surprised when she saw Max just looking at her with an enraptured expression. _Thank you so much for not looking away, Max. I don't need both of us hella embarrassed._ "You girls hungry?"

"When am I _not_ hungry?" Chloe joked as she gently pulled Max along. "What kind of pizza you get, Papa C?"

"A veggie, a pepperoni, and a plain cheese."

"Amazeballs as usual. Good that you keep up with us young'uns and our modern sense of diversity." Chloe sarcastically slapped Max's father on the back and laughed when Max admonished her with a blurted-out " _Chloe_!"

Max and Chloe didn't leave each other's side the entire evening. Pizza came with movies and the movies led into rabid discussions between the girls of which Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle movie or TV show was their favorite. Max preferred the original movie from the 80s while Chloe chose the old cartoon of the same era.

"You can't deny Mikey as Shredder, that metalface somehow eating pizza despite wearing a helmet. He says 'Cowabunga', for fuck's sake! Shredder! Shredder saying Cowabunga!"

"Yeah, well the cartoon is pretty cool, Che. I just like the idea of actual people in physical roles. Plus, the martial arts were cool."

"But Corey Feldman, dude…"

"Chloe…don't you dare…"

"The Coreys, you nerdy hipster. The _Coreys_."

"Wowsers, you suck so much egg right now, I swear."

 _I missed this_ , Chloe thought to herself as she leaned back in the leather couch. Chin resting in her hands while sitting cross-legged, Chloe watched with an impish grin as Max animatedly try to argue in favor of the live-action Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie. _Max and I haven't had a night like this since, well, since I first went up with her to Seattle._ Spinning the promise ring Max had given her around the ring finger it occupied, Chloe's drifting mind was brought back to attention when she realized Max was watching her.

"What're you thinking?" Max asked, taking a seat on the coffee table so she was sitting directly across from Chloe. Curling a loose strand of hair behind her ear, Max looked beautiful to Chloe. _Scars, broken bones, broken heart. I'll take it all if it means I get you, Max._

"How much I missed this, us just chilling," Chloe replied, smiling tenderly at Max as she leaned across the small divide between them to give the brunette a kiss. "How you feelin'?"

"A little anxious. I think I'm gonna go light up. You wanna come?" Max asked, leaning forward to gently bump her forehead against Chloe's. _God, I missed this so much, Maxaroni. You have no fucking clue how much I missed this, just being able to be with you. It is shit like this that makes the four years of heartache stay buried._ Chloe looked over her shoulder to see Ryan Caulfield sipping at a coffee in the kitchen.

"Y'know what? You go on ahead and I'll catch up. That cool?" When Max shrugged and got up, Chloe stood up as well and gave Max one more kiss before the brunette headed toward her room. It wasn't until the door to Max's bedroom closed shut that Chloe turned her attention to Ryan. "Papa C, can we talk?"

"Was wondering if we were going to get to have our discussion. It's good to see Max like this, happy like she was before… well, you know," Ryan sounded tired to Chloe, but the bluenette needed to get some things off her chest while she had the will to do so. Thinking of Max's pain and joy that she'd seen, Chloe took a deep breath before speaking up.

"I love your daughter."

"Chloe, I know you do."

"You don't understand. I want to spend the rest of _my life_ with her. This isn't some puppy love bullshit, Papa C. I'm talking legit, soulmate-level feels here. I see myself with Max forevs."

"…I see," Ryan took another sip of his coffee, "Well, I can't say I didn't already know this. Hearing you say it is just a little stronger than getting a feeling that is the case."

"Getting that off my chest, I don't think Max being here is a good thing. I'm not taking a shit on you as a parent, Ryan," Chloe said, disregarding the mild surprise on the other person's face at the use of his actual name, "What I'm saying is that Max is here, by herself, nearly 24/7. I left because I need my education and because you and my mom all but ordered me to. I get you're both hella concerned about me, too, but I am concerned about Max."

"You think I'm not?"

"No! No, you're… ugh. Shit, this is so fucking hard to put right. I… I think that Max is in a world of hurt and being alone so much is doing more harm than good. She needs someone who is more available, someone that can see her every day."

"Chloe, what are you asking?"

"…I want your permission to ask Max to move in with me and Joyce in Arcadia Bay. I want Max to come home, to _me_ ," Chloe's words were simple in choice, but the steely resolve in her voice and seriousness on her face left nothing to chance. Chloe had never felt as serious in her life as she did in that moment as she looked at a speechless Ryan Caulfield.

 **Author's Note –**

 **Chloe drops a metaphorical mic and the crowd goes wild!**

 **I know some of you saw Chloe asking to move in, but I wanted to do the opposite. I haven't just been on Max's side of dealing with mental illness; as a combat medic, part of my job in Iraq was to look after my soldiers' emotional and mental well-being, too. You have to know when to be compassionate and when to be resolute. Chloe knows where Max's head is because she's been there, so Chloe does what she felt wasn't done to her. She tells Max how it is and gives her the attention she needs. Chloe is typically the broken one between them and I want this to be a shift in their relationship's dynamic. I like the idea of Chloe becoming something of a begrudging nurturer. She doesn't like the mush, but she also knows that her feelings for Max call for said mush.**

 **Hope you liked this chapter. Not as dark as the last one, but Max's headspace isn't the brightest of places right now and Chloe is stepping up.**

 **Read, review, and I'll see you later!**

 **Stay hella, Cinnamon Rolls!**


	4. Chapter 4

**The World I Used To Know**

 **Love Song, song by The Cure**

 **November 16, 2012**

Sitting on the lone concrete step outside her bedroom's sliding glass door, Max Caulfield relaxed in her backyard and took another drag from her joint. Inhaling slowly, Max took in the mellow taste of the marijuana smoke and let it flood her system before expelling it through her nose like the smoke from a mythical dragon. Opening her mouth, Max caught some of the smoke and let it out through her nose a second time. _What the fuck is keeping Chloe? Actually postponing a pot break? Wowsers, Che. You've changed more than a little in one month. Then again,_ Max thought as she nodded to herself and took another puff, _I guess I have to_.

When Max had come outside, she thought she'd heard Chloe raising her voice but had decided to drop the subject. Max figured that Chloe was just sore about having to leave a month ago, and Max was honestly hopeful that was the case. Max was still a fair amount of sore over Chloe leaving; it was only fair, in Max's opinion, that Chloe be sore as well. Max wasn't mad at Chloe for the moment so much as disappointed that the weekend had been more shitty than fun. _Chloe was insanely sweet today, though, with the cooking, the snuggling and the looking after me. Didn't know she actually had that side in her, but I guess I should have when I think about it. The candlelit bath back in Seattle, after all._ Smiling at the thought of Chloe washing her hair in a bathroom illuminated with small tea candles all over, the memory left a pleasant warmth in Max's chest. _Then it was gone, and so was she._

The thought of Chloe's next visit in Seattle caused Max to shudder; she was in her catatonia at the time, and the lack of remembering a month of her life left her visibly shaken. Taking a hasty drag of her dope, Max coughed when it went down a little too hard and tossed the half-smoked doobie into the backyard from a combination of frustration and anger. Wincing from her jerking toss, Max held up her cast-covered forearm and sighed.

"Why the fuck did I punch a tree?" Max asked herself aloud. "Seriously. A tree? I'm out of my mind, I swear."

"…Max?" Chloe called out from the bedroom, Max looking over her shoulder to see an emotionally-drained Chloe peering out from behind the blackout curtains. "Permission to disembark?"

"Shore leave granted, matey," Max said, gesturing for Chloe to join her outside, "Take a seat on my shit deck."

"I'm pretty sure it's 'poop deck', Maxaroni," Chloe said with a half-hearted smirk.

"Not lately it isn't. It's shit deck because I perpetually feel like shit," Max pulled a fresh joint out of the hoodie she was wearing and handed it to Chloe.

"Much obliged, Captain Max. Where's yours?" Chloe asked, Max pointing her finger at a small wisp of smoke a couple yards away.

"Resting in Davy Jones's Locker."

"Fuck. What'd it ever do to you?" Chloe teased, lighting up and toking on the joint given to her by Max.

"It _existed_."

"Harsh."

"These are the times that try men's souls. Or, in this case, joints." Max took an offered hit from Chloe's joint before handing it back. "You okay, Chloe? You look kinda beat."

"…I'll be a'ight, Maxaroni. Um, my mom is coming up tomorrow. For lunch," the hesitation in Chloe's voice gave Max pause.

"…This isn't some intervention-y shit, is it? Chloe Price, you better not-"

"What? No! No, no intervention," Chloe choked on her pot smoke as she let out a strained laugh. "Fuck, Max. Your head goes in the fucking weirdest directions. Nah, she's coming up to, well, talk."

"'Bout what?" Max asked, eyeing a suspiciously nervous Chloe. "What are you up to, Che?"

"I, well, I kinda dropped some feel bombs on your dad, babe. Is it cool if we don't get into it just yet? I'm hella wiped and just want to chill right now."

"I guess it's okay, for now. You _will_ tell me what is going on, though. Right?" Max nudged Chloe with her shoulder. Getting a nod from Chloe in reply, Max sighed and leaned her head onto the bluenette's shoulder. "I'm gonna miss you when you leave tomorrow, Chloe. It's so fucking lonely here, and I can't get out of my head in all this damn quiet."

"You ever thought about going to an in-person school?" Chloe asked, Max turning to look at her girlfriend with an curious smile.

"Yeah, but I'm already kinda invested in what I've got going on. The program I'm in is pretty advanced for what I usually do, and if I my GPA is high enough I'll qualify for a scholarship."

"Look at you," Chloe purred, bringing her mouth to Max's ear, "My nerdy lil sex monkey."

"Ugh. I don't think 'nerdy' and 'sex monkey' should _ever_ be in the same sentence, Chloe," Max said, one corner of her mouth curled up in the faintest trace of disgust.

"But you make being nerdy _hella_ sexy, Max," Chloe replied, poking Max's cheek teasingly until the brunette snickered.

"Well, if you're gonna put it that way," Max cooed as she tilted her chin up and kissed Chloe, smiling when the bluenette shotgunned her pot smoke. Max felt Chloe's tongue slide across her own as the pot smoke swirled inside both of their mouths. Sucking down part of the smoke, Max parted her lips and let it seep out in small tendril-like waves.

"So hardcore," Chloe said with a low, sultry voice as she snuffed the joint out and leaned into Max, bringing her blue-nailed hands to the brunette's face.

Max felt her face warm up as Chloe peppered her with kisses; the brunette responded by pulling Chloe in tightly with her good hand, wisely moving her bandaged forearm so that it wouldn't get caught between them. Max kissed Chloe gently at first, like she was testing to see if the bluenette would still be there after the first kiss. Putting more intensity into the next kiss, Max bit at Chloe's lower lip and tugged a bit before catching Chloe's mouth with her own. Max clamped her mouth shut around the tip of Chloe's tongue and smiled when she sucked on it to the shuddering delight of her girlfriend. Winking at Chloe, the other girl's face started to redden as Max let go of Chloe's jacket and wove her hand underneath the leather and flimsy tank-top. Sliding her fingers under the punk's bra, Max pinched one of Chloe's nipples and felt a gasp escape between her and Chloe's lips.

"… _Max_ …," Chloe let out in a heady moan, the lowness of her voice enticing Max further.

Sliding her hand out of Chloe's top, Max heard Chloe whimper and pushed her tongue against Chloe's as they continued kissing. Max's hand explored the waistline of Chloe's jeans and felt the bluenette tense up under her touch. _Ticklish?_ _Ticklish._

"S-Sorry," Max gasped between kisses, "I forgot how ticklish you can-"

"… _uhhh_ , forget it Max and get back to my lips," Chloe moaned in a low voice, pulling Max back with her mouth as she compelled the eager brunette to resume their heated kissing.

Pressing her hand along Chloe's abdomen a little harder to ensure the fingertips didn't make Chloe tense up again or giggle from the ticklishness, Max deftly slid her hand straight down into Chloe's boy shorts. Hearing a guttural moan of delight when she brushed a finger against Chloe's pubic mound, Max felt the wetness of her girlfriend's sex and nibbled on Chloe's earlobe. Pushing herself into Chloe a little further, Max felt their weight shift and realized a moment too late that Chloe wasn't leaning against the glass door like she had been. _Oh, fuck_ , Max thought as they fell to the ground.

Chloe laughed after a final moan, Max's still in her pants as it grasped for something solid to help brace her up into a sitting position. _It's not funny, Chloe. Goddamnit, it isn't_ that _funny._ Max growled as she quickly yanked her hand from the other girl's jeans and let out a sharp cry of pain at her injured arm having landed hard on the ground when they had fallen. Max looked up at Chloe from where her head had landed on the bluenette's chest and felt a surge of anger well up when she saw the mirthful look.

"Stop fucking laughing," Max uttered, sucking in air through clenched teeth as she sat up. Favoring her bandaged forearm with her free hand, Max leaned against the glass door and hefted herself up.

"Whoa. Hey, Max. Max, I'm sorry. I didn't know that you-" Chloe said, her demeanor changing as quickly as Max's to one of concern as she sat up for only a second or two before leaping to her feet. Max pulled away from Chloe's reaching hand only to whimper when the bluenette gave her a reproachful look. "Don't fucking act like this, Max. Let me see."

"Fine. Asshole." Max gingerly extended her cast toward Chloe and winced, her injured hand feeling tight against the cast's material. "It feels swollen."

"The painkillers must be wearing off. They gave you some scripts, right, some hardcore drugs?" Chloe asked, all business to Max's relief.

"Uh, yeah. I've got a bottle of something in my camera bag. It's on the bed." Max gestured at the house with a jerk of her head.

Chloe opened the sliding door and pushed back the heavy curtains so Max could get in with ease before closing the door and locking it. Max was going to speak up when she saw Chloe rifle through her bag but decided not to. _Your girlfriend is in ultra-protective mode_ _and you're being a shit. Nice going, Max._ Seeing Chloe turn around with a smile on her face and a bottle in her hand, Max gladly took the single pill and let Chloe put it on her tongue.

"What is it?" Max asked, the pill resting on the back of her tongue. _Too late now, but I'd still like to know._

"Um, Tramadol. Don't you have that already?"

"Lemme see," Max said, looking at the bottle as Chloe lifted it up for her to see, "Oh, not at this strength. I'm going to be high as fuck in a few minutes. Damn."

"Who'd have imagined little Max Caulfield as a stoner?" Chloe teased, lying back on Max's bed with her legs dangling off the end. Max carefully sat beside Chloe and felt the other girl help her recline until she was lying next to Chloe. _My hand is broken, Chloe. Not my brain. At least, not anymore._ Sighing, Max forcibly calmed herself down and gave Chloe an appreciative smile when the bluenette wrapped a tattooed arm around her waist. "I love you, Max."

"Uh… I l-love you, too." Max looked down where Chloe had nestled into the crook of her neck. _What the shit? I'm not complaining. This is just some Twilight Zone material._ "Chloe, you've been hella mushy all day. What's going on?"

"I can't just be loving toward my significant other?" Chloe said, her eyes closed as she tilted her head a bit to kiss Max on the neck. "I… I'm not really that great at being the supportive one, Max. I have to fight off the urge to bail, but I didn't even feel it today. You broke your hand, was all crying and angry, but the only thing in my mind was a need to take care of you."

"You getting all maternal on me, Chloe Price?" Max teased, leaning her head on top of Chloe's. Biting at the other girl's beanie, Max pulled it off with her teeth and took in a deep breath of Chloe's hair. "I _love_ that shampoo you use. That and the smokiness you usually have, like you're a walking aphrodisiac meant only for me."

"You're amazeballs, Max. You're in the middle of some epic shit and you can still say hella cutesy things like that," Chloe said, moving her hand from Max's waist to over her heart. "Also, a hella no to being maternal. I am _not_ cut out to be a momma, unless you want me to be your sugar momma."

"You're a complete dork, I swear to Dog," Max said, rolling her eyes.

* * *

 _Max sat up in bed and the first thing she noticed is that Chloe is not lying beside her. Having gotten to her feet, Max opened her bedroom door and looked out into a darkened hallway with Chloe crying as she sat against the wall._ This isn't the house. This… This is the brownstone in Seattle, when I snapped at Chloe after the call from Joyce. Chloe was so sad, she thought I was going to leave…

 _"Chloe?" Max asked, reaching a hand out only to pull back in horror after it passed through the tearful bluenette._

 _"S-She doesn't love me anymore. I… I should never have come here. This was all just a huge-ass mistake," Chloe appeared to say to herself as she got up. "I don't f-fit in Max's world, anymore."_

 _"Chloe! Chloe, that's not true!" Max cried out, following in desperation to try and get the other girl to notice her. Max could touch everything, tear down everything, but she was somehow unable to touch Chloe. "Chloe, please! Please don't leave! Chloe, I need you! I can't do this without you…"_

 _"…Then just tell me that."_

 _Max's head snaps up and she sees Chloe looking straight at her, duffel bag in hand and boots on as she stands at the open front door. Max looks into Chloe's ocean-like eyes, blue shimmering with tears and heart-wrenching love, and watches them move to match where she steps. Walking hesitantly, Max crosses the divide between them until she's only a foot or so away from the punk._ Why is it so hard for me to say what needs to be said, do what needs to be done? All I have to do is take your hand and tell you how much I need you, that I'm lost without you.

 _"I d-don't understand, C-Che," Max stuttered, her sorrow getting the better of her as she looked down at her hands in shame, "W-Why is this, us b-being together, so hard? I… I love you, and all I want is for you to know how much…"_

 _Max looked up and gasped. Chloe was gone, her duffel bag sitting on the floor where the bluenette had been standing. Crying, Max fell to her knees before she saw the corner of a Polaroid sticking out of the Chloe's sole luggage. Reaching out, Max hesitantly took the photo and looked at it. A picture of the two of them as teenagers, making breakfast with William only minutes before his fatal car accident. Dropping the photo in horror as she heard echoing giggles emanate from within its framed image, Max spotted more photos inside the bag. Getting to her feet, Max grabbed the bottom end of Chloe's duffel bag and hoisted it up; a seemingly endless flood of Polaroid photos containing memories of Max and Chloe poured onto the floor._ Left behind. Discarded. Chloe left them, left me. _Knee-deep in a pile of photos that were rattling her with overlapping memories, Max did the only thing she could think of in that instant – she cried out._

* * *

" _CHLOE_!" Max shouted, her eyes streaming tears as she sat up in bed with a start. Whining as she cried, Max almost immediately felt someone stir next to her before a pair of slender arms wrapped around her waist. Feeling a chin lean on her shoulder from behind her, Max felt a chill run down her body that was only thawed when the one voice she was in desperation to hear spoke.

"Max, I'm here," Chloe cooed, her voice immediately soothing the terrified brunette. Max let herself melt into Chloe's embrace and the tension subsided. _I'm so lonely, Chloe. I'm tired of being lonely. I need you._ "Fuck, babe. Maxaroni, are you okay? I can totally feel your heart through your back. You need one of your pills or something? Are you going to pass out, hyperventilate? Baby, tell me what you need."

"You," Max's frail voice was plaintive and heartbreaking, "I need you."

"I'm right here-"

"No, I don't mean just now. I _need_ you, Chloe. It feels like I'm dying inside, peeling away, and the only thing keeping me as sane as I am in the middle of all this is _you_. I can't… I can't do this on my own, getting better. I've been trying but keeping to myself is just tearing me the fuck apart."

Max felt Chloe pull the arm pinned down out from under her as the bluenette sat up. Vaguely seeing Chloe scoot back in the darkness until she was leaning against the headboard, Max felt a hand tug at her hoodie. Max unzipped the light jacket and felt a slight chill as her pink tank-top bared enough skin to give her gooseflesh. _Am I getting bumps because of the cool air or because I spilled my guts? Wowsers, I am a perpetual mess._

"Come here," Max heard Chloe say, her voice lovely and reassuring to the brunette, "Lay your head in my lap and go back to sleep, Max. Let me watch over you, okay?"

"But you need to sleep, Chloe. I don't want yesterday to happen again, with you awake and me asleep only to switch. You're l-leaving tomorrow," Max said with her voice lowered to a whisper, her pleading expression all but invisible in the darkened bedroom. Max felt a pair of slightly wet lips kiss her forehead and nearly drove her head back into them.

"I'll fall asleep. I'm just going to keep watch until you fall asleep. Get your head over here and lay down, Max."

"Always bossy. I remember when we first met, you wouldn't let up about me calling you a 'butt'," Max snickered as she slowly lowered her head into Chloe's waiting lap.

"Nobody wins against me, Max. I'm hella stubborn, but you know that."

"I do. You haven't given up on me yet, so I consider your stubbornness a good thing," Max mumbled, smirking in the dark as she playfully slapped at Chloe's arm.

"I told you, Max," Chloe's tone became pensive, the brunette looking up to see a reassuring smile on her girlfriend's face, "I'm never leaving you. Just hush and go back to sleep, you."

Max tried to sleep, but the anxiousness that had followed along with her nightmare only made the lack of fatigue worse. Max was waking up rather than falling asleep, and it was driving her fucking nuts. _It's still gotta be hella late, or Chloe wouldn't be so damn adamant about getting me to sleep. Fuck! I'm not tired, and… I'm kinda antsy…_ Tossing and turning a bit in Chloe's lap, Max felt Chloe's fingers gently rake through her chestnut hair. Max bit her lip, eyes closing in as a rush of pleasure washed over her. Feeling the gooseflesh return, hair on the back of her neck bristling as they extended out like searching antennae, Max let out a gasp of breath and felt Chloe shudder faintly

Max walked quietly into the bathroom, heart pounding a little as she felt Chloe's eyes on her back. _If you do this, Max, you're going the entire fucking way. I'm… I'm sick of being so damn awkward all the time. Maybe it's the painkillers, maybe it's just_ time _, but if I'm changing then there's no room for chickening out. Not with this, and not with Chloe._ Grabbing a pair of scissors from the medicine cabinet behind the mirror situated above her sink, Max slid one of the blades under her cast and began to furiously cut away at the semi-soft cast, the material and fabric inner sleeve giving way inch by inch. Wincing from her sprained wrist being freed, Max ripped at the last few inches with her other hand until a bruised hand with stitches along three of her knuckles was exposed. Raising the hand to her face, Max gingerly closed it as much as the stitches would allow.

The smell of her lavender soap filled Max's nostrils as she flipped the light switch and stepped out of the bathroom. Every other breath hitching in her chest, Max's instinct was to go smoke a joint or even a bowl; instead, the brunette carefully walked over to her dresser and opened the bottom shelf. Max could hear Chloe starting to move in the bed and took in a sharp breath through her gritted teeth.

"Get back in bed," Max's words were chosen to impose, not request, and the mousey tone that Chloe had been used to was replaced with one of resoluteness.

"Max? You okay-"

"I swear, to _Dog_ , that if you ask me that anymore tonight I will… I'll do something really bad. So stop," Max rolled her eyes at the hesitation in her own voice. _Get your shit together, Max!_ "Strip."

"Uh, what? You've got one arm bandaged up-"

"Not anymore. Strip, Che."

"Max…"

" _Goddamnit_ , Chloe," Max hissed, her voice low and a touch threatening, "Would you just fucking strip?"

When Max didn't hear Chloe respond, she paused. _Did I go too far? I haven't even started anything yet, but I know I can be hella pushier than I used to._ Max strained her ears to try and catch the bluenette possibly mumbling; the silence becoming worrisome, Max felt herself start to panic until a hushed sigh came from the bed. Feeling air brush at her face along with a faint touch of clothing, Max smiled to herself in the dark and walked to the bed, her pace slow and methodical.

"What are you up to?" Chloe asked when Max carefully lifted her injured hand up to cup her girlfriend's cheek, "Max, where's your cast?"

"Not now, Chloe," Max was starting to get angry, but suppressed her darkening mood and instead leaned over until she could feel Chloe's breath on her own face, "Just… Just let me have my fun, okay?"

"…Alright. If your hand gets to be in too much pain, though, you fucking tell me," Chloe replied. Max could feel the bluenette reach out to try and touch her face but pulled back, leaving Chloe grasping at open air.

"Turn around and lie on your stomach," Max said, taking in a breath to try and calm her nerves before speaking.

"Are you going to punish me, Mad Max?" Max could practically hear the smirk on Chloe's face and felt a mischievous grin take shape on her own.

"It's not 'Mad Max'. Not right now," Max cooed into Chloe's ear as she climbed onto the bed to sit on Chloe's thighs. Lowering herself carefully, Max laid down onto the other girl's back and licked at an earlobe to the delightful result of her girlfriend's entire body tensing. "It's 'Mistress'."

"Ooh, ' _Mistress_ Max' is it?" Max pouted as she felt Chloe stifle a giggle and replied by smacking the flat of her hand on the bluenette's ass. Hearing Chloe suck in a breath of air, Max's smirk returned instantly, swatting Chloe again to the sound of her girlfriend taking _another_ sudden breath.

"Still talking shit, plebe?" Max asked, poking Chloe in the back of her head with a finger.

"Damn, Max," Chloe said, her voice slightly cracking. "My bad. _Mistress_ Max, you're hardcore."

Smiling appreciatively, Max climbed off of her girlfriend to switch on the bedside lamp. Lowering the brightness down to a faint ember glow, Max could see Chloe's shoulders rise and fall as she laid on her stomach. _Keep watching Chloe_ , Max thought as she leaned over to give Chloe a rough kiss. Grabbing a handful of blue hair, Max pulled hard enough that Chloe was facing her and she pressed her lips hard onto the other girl's. _I hope I didn't pull too hard_ , Max thought, her anxiety beginning to return. _She'd tell me if I did, right? Yeah, she totally would tell me. I'm so… this is just… This is so damn awkward_ , _the last thing I wanted it to be!_

"Sorry for being such a dork," Max grumbled, her courage wavering, "T-This was a stupid idea. Just, um, just-"

"Your dad is a hard sleeper, right?" Chloe asked, smiling apologetically at the mention of Max's dad in the midst of her girlfriend's playfulness. _Uh, what?_ Max thought as her brow furrowed in confusion at Chloe's query. "I just don't feel like being naked and letting you get your freak on only to have Papa C walk in on us."

"Well, he's got one of those white noise machines," Max said, dropping her head next to Chloe's on the bed. Face first in the covers, Max let out a muffled sigh. _This is going terribly to shit._ "Please, Chloe, just stop trying to encourage me. I-I can't believe I tore my cast off for _this_ …"

"Sorry for killing your buzz-" Chloe started to say, the apologetic look still on her face to Max's irritation, when the brunette let out a disgusted groan and sprang back onto her previous sitting position on her girlfriend's thighs.

"Whoa, Max!" Chloe whispered, her tone sharp as she turned her head at the sound of a metal chain jangling out of her sight. "Max…?"

"Hands behind your back, Plebe."

" _Now._ "

When Chloe started to slowly bring her hands around, Max rolled her eyes and pulled at one hand. Wincing as her injured hand popped at the wrist and knuckles, Max nearly bit through her lip to stifle the pained sound trying to get free. Seeing Chloe try to keep an eye on her, the bluenette's head turned to its limit, Max hung the pair of handcuffs off of a finger where her girlfriend could see. _That a twinkle in your eye, Chloe Price? Is… Is this not your first time doing something like this? Max thought she might break down and cry when she noticed the anticipatory look on Chloe's face, her lip bitten down with a smile._

"…Wowsers, you've done stuff like this before, haven't you?" Max asked, a faint smirk on her lips.

"I _might_ have done something like this," Chloe said as she looked away, an exaggerated rolling of her eyes and an impish grin on her face, "I was usually where you are, though."

"T-This is my first time," Max's sullen tone drew out a compassionate smile on her girlfriend's face. "Che, will you… will you tell me if I fuck up?"

"Max, you need to get over yourself," Chloe said, her voice soft and calm as she motioned for Max to handcuff her, "If you need me to, I'll be here to guide you. You're in control though, so I'm hoping I won't have to. Do you have a safe word?"

Max nodded, the sudden grin on her face mirrored by Chloe until the brunette leaned down and whispered into her girlfriend's ear.

"I am _not_ saying that, Maxine Caulfield," Chloe hissed, eyes narrowed until Max smacked her on the ass.

"You're handcuffed, Chloe. You no longer have a choice." The commanding look in Max's eye, the way she sat up straight, made Chloe visibly deflate. _I've never seen you so, well, meek. Chloe, you're so cute when you're submissive. Even if it is a cranky submissiveness…_

"I will get you back for this, _Mistress._ "

"Y-You talking back to me?"

"Less stutter, Max. If you're nervous, this might not be such a good idea…" _No! I can do this, Chloe! Just… Give me a chance!_

"Do you trust me?" Max asked, her face a mask of seriousness.

"Of course. You're my SuperMax."

"The let _me_ guide _you_ , Chloe."

This was beyond romance or love for Max. The idea of experimenting in BDSM with Chloe had been on her mind all the way back to early August. She loved being intimate with Chloe, but it always seemed to Max like no matter how strong she was there was always a space between them she could not cross. _I trust you with my heart completely, Chloe, but I need you to know that I can be strong, too. I know I'm fucked up, but the truth is we are both messes and I'm not happy in being the weaker one all the damn time._ Wrapping her hands around the sides of Chloe's waist, Max gently pulled back and up until Chloe's back was arched. The bluenette's bare ass lifted in the air, Max could see Chloe watching from between her legs. _She's got half her weight on her shoulders. I hope she's not too uncomfortable…_ Closing her eyes, Max took a few deep breaths to calm her nerves before she opened them back up. The percussive beating of her heart reverberated in Max's ears, mixed with the sound of her breathing and the faint panting coming from Chloe.

Max leaned over and placed her weight on the uninjured hand and both knees; leaning into Chloe, Max began to kiss the back of Chloe's thighs. Her lips barely grazing the pale skin, Max pulled back after only a few kisses and looked at the dull glow of her lamp. Sliding off the bed in one fluid motion, her confidence beginning to increase, Max switched the light off and walked around to the sliding doors. Pulling back the curtains, Max's room was bathed in moonlight as the brunette turned to get a better look at her partner. _She's like some art sculpture,_ Max thought as she took the sight of Chloe in. The moonlight seemed to make Chloe's skin glow, the blue hair luminescent from the starry night sky. Climbing back into the bed, Max ran her tongue against Chloe's slit and felt the other girl shudder from the touch. Repeating the motion, Max smiled to herself when a moan escaped from Chloe as she shuddered.

"Are you-?" Max began to ask before getting cut off.

"I'm fine, Mistress," Chloe purred, wiggling her butt a bit, "Don't stop." Max chewed on her lip a bit, her whole body suddenly feeling like it might explode from how excited she was getting. _Calm down, Max. Well, don't_ totally _calm down. Take it easy – you have to make sure you don't really hurt Chloe._

Leaning her body to the left so she and Chloe's eyes met, Max admonished the bluenette with a wagging finger and flashed a mischievous smile.

"Don't tell _me_ what to do, Plebe."

"Yes, Mistress."

"Will you be a… a good girl?" _This is simultaneously cool and embarrassing. A "good girl"? Max, what the fuck_ , Max thought to herself. _Chloe seems into it, though._

"Only when you want me to be, Mistress," the meekness in Chloe's voice continuing from earlier, Max swallowed down her nerves before returning to Chloe's sex.

Max's lips glistened from the wetness of Chloe's slit as she dragged her tongue slowly across in methodical succession, pausing long enough each time to let out an exhale that brushed against the other girl's pubic mound. Chloe gasped, moaned, and whispered Max's name; every twitch and breathy noise the bluenette made aroused Max even further. Popping her jaw, her mouth starting to get sore from the exercise of teasing and playfully licking at Chloe, Max pulled back and sat on her shins.

"Mistress…?" Chloe asked, a slight whine to her voice. _Wowsers, Chloe. I was terrified you might freak out, but you're_ totally _into this._

"Hush, baby," Max purred.

"Please, Mistress. Please… Keep going…," Chloe moaned before pausing at the sudden quiet, "Um... Max...?"

Max told Chloe to sit up and the brunette helped her girlfriend out when the handcuffs made such an order difficult. Once Chloe was properly seated, however, Max pushed the other girl against the headboard before straddling her. Leaning in, Max cupped the bluenette's cheeks and kissed Chloe with a lustful wantonness. A trace of her awkwardness revealed itself when Max forced her tongue into Chloe's mouth and the other girl coughed a bit at the suddenness. _Oh no, ohhhhh what the fuck am I doing_? Max thought in mute horror, her injured hand twitching as if to reply. _This isn't… I'm not where I should be for something like this. Chloe was worried about how I am and wanting to do something this extreme. She was right._ Pulling back as suddenly as she had pressed her mouth onto Chloe's, Max leaned over and unlocked the handcuffs. Tossing the cuffs onto the floor, Max whispered "I'm sorry" through a choked sob and ran into the bathroom before locking the door behind her. The bathroom was pitch black as Max faced the door, sitting in the tub with her knees folded up to her chest as tears ran silently down her cheeks. Naked, cold, and dejected, Max felt she could only loathe herself for putting Chloe in such a worrisome predicament. _What if I had snapped while she was still restrained? What if I broke down, like I am now, while I was in the middle of something more intense? I could have_ hurt _Chloe, I could have hurt her and I'd never forgive myself for it and she'd never feel entirely safe around me-_

"Max?" Chloe asked in a fearful voice, knocking quietly on the bathroom door. "Babe, let me in. Please?"

"N-No. Go away, Chloe. I j-just want to be alone!" Max hissed before pulling the shower curtains shut so that the door and the flimsy plastic separated her and Chloe. Leaning her head against the bathroom tiling, Max shut her eyes tightly and let out a rough sob. "P-Please, Chloe. Please just go."

Max didn't hear a response, but the sudden absence of her girlfriend failed to bring the relief she thought it might. A knot of worry began to dig into Max's chest as she peered out from behind the shower curtain with her injured hand shaking as she pulled at the material. Hearing her bedroom door open, Max's eyes narrowed as she tried to imagine what Chloe was up to. _Getting a drink, leaving to get her stuff, who cares? I fucked up, I fucked up so bad. Why did I think this would be okay?_ Wiping at her eyes with the back of an injured hand, Max heard the sound of approaching footsteps. Again, Chloe knocked on the door.

"I got some water and your Tramadol, Max," Chloe tapped on the door with that sounded to Max like her nails." Little Max, Little Max, let me in…"

"Are you cereal?" Max asked, stifling the urge to laugh at Chloe's joke. "You're not going to stop asking, are you?"

"Nope."

"…Hang on."

Getting to her feet, Max pulled the shower curtain back and stiffly made her way in the dark to where her bathroom door was. Fumbling at the knob, Max unlocked it and opened the door a crack. The bedside lamp on at full brightness, Max looked up and saw Chloe watching her patiently. _How can you be so fucking kind, Chloe, when nearly all I do is just be an asshole?_ Opting for the comfort of her bed, Max slid out from her side of the door and started to walk past Chloe when the bluenette put a hand on her shoulder.

"…I-I'm s-sorry," Max stammered, her eyes dry and bloodshot from all the crying as she choked out the words. Letting Chloe pull her into a hug, Max felt two inviting arms tighten around her and the warmth of Chloe's body. Burying her face into the other girl's t-shirt, brought her arms around Chloe but didn't say anything further.

Max was walked over to the bed and tucked under the blankets, her blue eyes unblinking as she looked up at the blue-haired girl hovering overhead. Seeing a single pill in one of Chloe's hands and a small glass of water in the other, Max sat up enough to swallow down both. Chloe gave Max a tired smile and made for the door when Max tugged at the hem of her t-shirt. The bluenette looked over her shoulder at Max, a hesitant look in Chloe's eyes that was met with a pleading expression on the part of Max. The silence between them would be unnerving to others, but neither girl felt like speaking anymore. Both girls were exhausted in body and spirit, their voices lost in their own fatigue. Chloe tried to pull herself free of Max's hold but the brunette only grabbed onto the material even tighter and Chloe looked at her one more time, an expression on her face that Max took as _Do you even want me?_ to which Max simply nodded and pulled her covers back to let Chloe in.

The space between the bed and the covers became even warmer to Max when Chloe's body heat was added to her own. A little tense only at first, Chloe quickly relaxed with a smile on her face as Max laid her head on the other girl's chest. Wrapping her arm across Chloe's waist, Max pulled herself closer to the blue-haired girl and smiled in return when she felt an arm wrap across her shoulders. A single kiss on her forehead and Max felt as though she could finally sleep. Lifting her head up, Max watched the blue eyes that were observing her. Resting her chin on Chloe's sternum, Max gave her girlfriend an apologetic smile and leaned in halfway for the possibility of a kiss. Max's eyes softened when Chloe quirked an eyebrow, a crooked grin playing across her lips, and the brunette crossed the remaining distance to place her soft lips on the other girls waiting ones. Chloe's lips felt warmer than usual to Max as their mouths seemed to merge and split apart in perfect sync. The bluenette's tongue was like a single flame licking at the inside of Max's mouth, warming the brunette up in what felt like a rhythmic dance to both girls. Pulling back to catch her breath, Max thought she saw her breath for a moment before she slowly laid her head in the crook of her girlfriend's neck. Chloe's other arm reached over towards Max's injured hand, the stitched, bruised extremity lying across the bluenette's abdomen being met with blue-nailed fingers. Chloe's hand cupping Max's injured one, Max looked down and then coughed a little before speaking.

"I'm so lucky to have you," Max whispered to Chloe, her tone regretful. "I-I get scared that I will wake up and find you gone again. I know it is wrong, but I can't help it. I-I'm sorry."

"You get on my case for me asking if you're okay, so it is only fair that I ask you to please stop apologizing, my little Max," Chloe replied, her tone soft as she whispered in Max's ear. "Baby, you are _not_ losing me. Not ever, swear to 'Dog' and everything. We spent four years apart Max, and when we got back together it was like no time had gone by at all, dude. It's hella cheesy, but we totally complete each other."

"We totally do, but what if I don't fit right somewhere down the line? What if I only get worse?"

"Then I will help you, be your trusty partner-in-crime," Chloe said, the pause that followed faintly alarming Max until the bluenette began to speak once more, "Max, I asked your dad for permission to see if you might... Ugh, fuck it. Do you want to move in with me and my mom?"

"You w-what?" Max coughed her answer out, breath catching in her chest. Feeling Chloe's hand tenderly squeeze her shoulder, Max closed her eyes and smiled. "Holy shit, Chloe! I m-mean, fuck yes I'd like that. Finally having my girlfriend more available than once every couple of weeks or a _month_ would be pretty nice. Just… Wowsers…"

"Yeah, I know. Surprise? Anyway, Joyce is coming up for lunch and we're all going to have a fucking pow-wow to hash our respective shit out," Chloe continued, the cheerful glint in her eyes suddenly turning into a far-off stare as Chloe's disposition took a very serious turn, "I'm not dropping it until I get you out of here, Max. You need somewhere less isolated and I need you closer to me. You're… You're going through some intense shit and you don't need to be going it alone up here. I think you'd be better off in Arcadia Bay…with me, where I can help."

"Um, is it bad that I feel only kinda sad about leaving my dad here by himself?" Max asked with a questioning tone as she looked up at Chloe for an answer. "I _need_ to be with you, Chloe. I know that we're both still in school, and that it is likely _years_ down the road, but-"

"I'm gonna hella marry the fuck out of you someday, Max Caulfield," Chloe said straightforwardly. It was all Max needed to hear at the moment, and she laid her head back down with a drowsy smile on her face.

"…You better. Dork."

* * *

As inseparable as Max and Chloe normally were when together, they were near-impossibly more so that morning before Joyce arrived. Ryan had gone to town for groceries, leaving Max and Chloe snuggling on the couch as they lazily shared a bowl of cereal, Max sitting on Chloe's lap as they alternated between feeding each other spoonful after spoonful of sugary cereal. _I would_ definitely _not mind this every morning,_ Max thought as she wiped some milk dribbling on Chloe's chin with her sleep shirt. _Such a messy eater. I know you get "hungry like the wolf", Chloe, but that doesn't mean you need to eat like you actually are one._ A smirk creeping onto her face, Max looked at Chloe's lips and found herself kissing the other girl. Feeling the bluenette try not to laugh, Max leaned in further and narrowly missed the cushion next to them on the couch as she sat the cereal bowl down to bring her uninjured hand up and into Chloe's blue bedhead.

"Good morning to you too, hippie," Chloe teased before nibbling on Max's lip, "Have I told you I love you this morning?"

"Only when I first got up, and then when we took a shower together," Max said dreamily, running her fingers through Chloe's dyed locks, "…and then in front of my dad which made him adorably awkward, and just now. You say it any more I might actually believe it!"

"What the-," Chloe stammered, eyes widening until she stuck her tongue out at Max's joke, "Well, aren't you a fucking smartass in the morning. Do I have _this_ to look forward to every day if your dad and my mom let you move?"

"That," Max said, repositioning herself to where she was straddling Chloe on the living room couch, "…and _other things_ …"

"Oooh, Chloe like," Chloe waggled her eyebrows and Max leaned her head into Chloe's shoulder, both girls shaking with laughter. "I… I'm happy to see a smile on your face, Maxaroni. How are you feeling this morning? Serious question."

"'Serious', huh? Well, I guess I'm okay," Max sat back up and traced a finger along the anarchy logo on Chloe's shirt as she bit at her lip in thought, "I mean, I took my meds, had breakfast, been dorking around with you. I feel…odd. Is this what it's like to feel like you're coming out of a super-bad funk?"

"Did I cure you with my hella sexiness?"

"…I don't think I'll ever be cured, Che," Max said, tenderly kissing her girlfriend on the cheek, "But you're definitely my 'bad medicine'."

"Ugh, Bon Jovi? You couldn't have done Nirvana or The Cure? 'You make me feel like I'm home again?' You _are_ a hipster. I can't work with this." Chloe threw her hands up to Max's surprised chagrin and the brunette retaliated with a one-handed barrage of tickles, Chloe having helped her tape the cast back onto her forearm when they'd woken up. "Agh, this is bullshit! Stop, Max! I can't fucking get you back when you're currently handicapped, I'd feel hella bad! Fucking quit it, you little brat!"

Max brought her hand up as though to surrender only to bring it back down a moment later to resume her tickle attack, Chloe trying to curl into a ball with the brunette still straddling her. Both girls laughing, Max felt like she was falling in love with Chloe all over again. _This sweet, insanely adorable side of you is just what I need, Chloe. I love you, you giant, dorky punk._ Letting up from tickling, Max leaned in and kissed a red-faced Chloe and purred when the bluenette responded by wrapping her arms around Max's neck.

"You taste like pot, coffee, and cereal milk," Max said between kisses, her lips brushing against Chloe's.

"What the fuck do you think _you_ taste like, Maximus?"

"Oh, I'm not complaining. Just saying."

After a few more minutes of kissing and cuddling, Max reluctantly pulled herself off of Chloe and went to change, gasping as she headed for the bedroom when Chloe smacked her on the ass.

"Kinky," Max said as she looked over her shoulder to wink at Chloe, laughing when the bluenette's face turned red again as a response.

Halfway dressed, Max heard her father come back from town and pulled on what she had decided to be her special occasion armor. Chloe's old beanie, a black tank-top emblazoned with a screaming riot grrrl, and a pair of red jeans, Max slipped on her sneakers and stepped back out into the hallway. Glancing at Chloe as the other girl was animatedly talking with Ryan, S _omething about pizza?,_ Max shook her head and went into the bathroom for morning hygiene. Having brushed her teeth, Max spit out a mouthful of water and looked in the mirror. Something didn't seem right to her, like the reflection was one of her older Polaroids, faded along the edges with the colors starting to wash out. Scowling at her reflection, Max ran her fingers through her hair and started to style it in various ways before finding one she liked. Reaching into the cabinet under the bathroom sink, Max pulled out the tools necessary and flipped on the bathroom fan to hide what she intended to do.

"Max? Yo, Max Caulfield! You fall asleep on the can or something, nerd? What are-" Max watched Chloe's jaw drop as she walked past the awestruck bluenette. "Holy fuck, Max. Holy _fuck_! Uh, Papa C, check out your little girl!"

"Chloe, noooo-"

"…Max? Um," Ryan Caulfield said, blinking his eyes repeatedly in mild shock, "That's, well, that is certainly a new look."

Attempting a sidecut with one hand and a pair of clippers, Max had been moderately successful. The right side of her head shaved down to light fuzz, there were odd little patches that hadn't been buzzed as close as the rest. Frowning at the look of horror on Chloe's face and disbelief on her father's, Max made to run back into the bathroom before her girlfriend spoke up.  
"Hey, no. No no no, Max. I think it's pretty amazeballs. Just, well, you kinda botched it," Chloe said, smiling in earnest as she ran her fingers through the buzzed portion of Max's hair, "Let me help, get everything nice and even. Also, razor off this fuzz so you got a proper 'do."

"Okay…," Max said, her tone sheepish as she looked down at her feet, "I look stupid, right? What a goddamn disaster. I-I just wanted to try something… something…"

"It is _hella_ different, no doubt, but you need to slow your self-doubt roll down, Maxaroni. It'll look sick when it's done, okay? C'mon, let's get you styled like the grrrl I know you to be," Chloe said, taking Max's uninjured hand as she led the brunette down the hall and into her bathroom.

Max sat on the edge of her tub, eyes focused on her shoes, and let Chloe get to work with the clippers and a disposable razor. The smell of aloe shaving cream was strong as Max felt Chloe deftly shave the side of her head bare one strip at a time. _I get the feeling she's done this before_.

"…Have you ever done something like, um, like this?" Max asked, peeking up to see Chloe concentrating on finishing the sidecut.

"Well," Chloe said, her tone wistful as she didn't look away from where she was shaving, "Not a full-blown cut, no. I've buzzed my sides before, though. Thought it looked pretty hardcore when I was done. It was… It was Rachel who showed me how to do it properly."

"Oh."

"…I know why she isn't calling or texting you, Max. It's hella stupid, but I do know why," Max surprise at hearing this news was only surpassed by her concern at the sorrowful tone in her girlfriend's voice.

"What's wrong? Che, what is it?"

"Her and Frank called it quits about a week after you… When you fell 'asleep'," Chloe started, her tone neutral as she pulled her hand back. Turning to the sink, Chloe dampened a washcloth in hot water and rung it out before looking at Max with a sad expression. "She's jealous."

"Jealous? Of _us_?"

"…Of you. She sees how you make me feel and it's got her panties in a fucking wad, Max. You took off for years-"

"You're bringing that up _now_ -"

"It's for the explanation, okay?" Chloe raised her voice in exasperation, "I'm not mad about that anymore, Max. We both fucked up with that. She kept me together for a while and you come back and… as good as I was with her, I'm amazing with you. It made her butthurt."

"That's shitty," the bluntness of her statement surprised Chloe, but Max couldn't help but feel hurt and angry, "I thought she was my friend, too."

"I think she just needs to get used to _us_ ," Chloe said as she used the damp washcloth to clean up leftover shaving cream, "I haven't talked to Rach lately, so who knows where her head is fucking at…"

"Chloe," Max looked up at her girlfriend, noticing that the bluenette couldn't meet her gaze, "…Did Rachel make a move on you?"

"She tried in the dorm. Kate and Victoria chewed her out, though. I just kinda stood there, in shock. I didn't think she was into girls," Chloe's hand dropped from where she'd been wiping Max's sidecut clean as she frowned. "I just can't believe it. Was she lying to me this whole time? I'm _with_ someone, someone I am totally crazy about, and she pulls that bullshit?"

"D'you want me to kick her ass?" Max asked, the question getting a smirk out of her girlfriend. "I kinda want to. If Rachel could pull something like that while I was unconscious or whatever, I don't like the idea of her hanging around you, Che."

"Getting possessive, Maxaroni?" Max stood up and rubbed at her finished sidecut before answering Chloe's question with a forceful kiss, her tongue sliding into the other girl's mouth with a hunger. _You are mine, Chloe Elizabeth Price. I fucking claim you. I even put a ring on it, though not that kind of ring. Yet._

"You bet your pale ass I am."

Noon came, and Joyce Price arrived. The Price family's old station wagon pulling into the gravel drive, Chloe's mother parked behind the beater truck belonging to her daughter and she walked to the house with a unreadable look on her face. Max watched her approach from a window next to the front door and opened it before the older woman could knock.

"Hi," Max said with a smile before getting pulled into a hug, "I missed you too, Joyce."

"Look at you," Joyce said, her tone more motherly than usual, "You trying to one-up Chloe, Max? You've got more tattoos than she does by now, and this hair. What kind of influence has my daughter been on you?"

"A good bad one, Mom," Chloe chimed in as she came to the door, wrapping her arms around Max's waist from behind, "Though I can't take much credit. She already had the sleeve, and she even buzzed her head before I finished it up. C'mon, Mom. You're letting the cold in."

Max went back into her bedroom with Chloe tagging along as Ryan and Joyce exchanged pleasantries in the kitchen. _I need to be a little baked for what's coming up_ , Max thought as she grabbed her black pencil bag from the bedside table's sole drawer. Pulling out two joints, Max offered one to Chloe only to raise an eyebrow in surprise when the bluenette shook her head.

"Chloe Price, are you going cold turkey on me?" Max asked incredulously.

"I want my head clear for this, babe," Chloe replied, sitting across from Max on the bed as the brunette lit up and began to toke, "I don't exactly have a good win-loss record when I'm baked."

"Oooh, I like it when you're all responsible," Max teased, laughing when the other girl gently shoved her, "All you need is a ruler and a pair of glasses."

"You kinky little shit. When you're all healed up, you sure as fuck better finish what you started last night," Chloe interjected, crossing her arms as she glared at Max in jest.

Max laid her head on Chloe's lap and smoked her doobie, the pot alleviating the anxiety that had been building in the minutes leading up to Joyce's arrival. She had considered taking a Tramadol, but Max knew they would just knock her out. _Or worse_ , the brunette mused as Chloe played with her hair, _I'd be a total mess and behave like an idiot. That wouldn't help Chloe's case, and it sure as hell won't help me any._ Opening her eyes, Max turned her head so the smoke didn't go into Chloe's face.

"You make me feel safe, Che," Max said, putting the joint between her lips to rub her thumb along the other girl's jawline. "For cereal. I could just live in your arms, you're so warm."

"Sorry, Maxaroni. You can't afford my rent," the bluenette joked, smiling when Max scoffed, "Fine. I guess you'll just have to stay for free. Freeloading hippie."

"I'm still a hippie, huh? What about my sick tats, bruh?" Max snickered when Chloe rolled her eyes.

"Max, there are some things that you should never say. Like 'bruh'. _That_ is why you're still a hippie _and_ a hipster. Tattoos and a bad-ass cut do not a hippie unmake," Chloe said before motioning for Max to sit up. "Come on, Max. Let's get this party started."

Lunch was plagued with awkward silence, the meal more a distraction than pleasant. Max and Chloe situated on the couch, Ryan and Joyce were each seated in a chair that had been brought in from the dinner table. Picking at Joyce's salmon surprise, Max would look up at her dad intermittently only to look down just as fast when she would see him watching her. Instinctively scooting closer and closer to Chloe with each glance, Max and her girlfriend were almost shoulder-to-shoulder by the time everyone had eaten to their individual satisfaction.

"You not hungry, Max?" Joyce asked, Max looking up at her apologetically.

"Stomach's kinda upset," Max hastily replied, her free hand interlacing its fingers into Chloe's. "Nervous, I guess."

"Sweetie, there's nothing to be nervous about," Ryan said, a warm smile on his face that only made the brunette feel worse, "Just relax."

"Easier said than done, Dad," Max mumbled, leaning her head against Chloe's shoulder.

"So…" Chloe started, setting her own plate down on the coffee table before clearing her throat, "So yeah. You both know how I feel, I guess. I think Max should move in with us, Mom."

"Chloe," Joyce started, her voice sounding a little fatigued, "I know you want what is best for Max. Really, sweetie, I do. Don't you think that Ryan has his daughter's best interests in mind, too? You want to upend Max when she hasn't even been here for little more than a month, Chloe, and-"

"She's not happy, Mom!" Chloe cut her mother off, her voice raised only a few seconds before she exhaled. "Sorry. Mom, Max is not happy here. I _know_ she is your daughter, Ryan, and you know I'm not trying to step on your toes. Both of you… You just don't understand. I love her, and she _needs_ me."

"I know you love her, Chloe," Joyce said as she looked over at Ryan, Max's father staying silent, "But have you thought about this? I mean, _really_ taken it into consideration? I love you, Max, like you're my own. I'm just not sure that you moving in with me and Chloe is what's best for you right now…"

"Mom, I-"

"I can speak for myself," Max's voice was quiet, but the living room fell silent when everyone heard it.

"Go on, babe," Chloe said, kissing Max on the forehead for encouragement. _I love you, Chloe._

"I know that everyone has what they feel are my best interests in mind, and… and I really appreciate it," Max said before shaking her head in irritation, "I love you all for it, I really do. But none of you know what being here is like for me. Dad, this is _Mom's_ _house_ , where she grew up…and you're rarely here. We moved stuff out and brought all our crap from Seattle with us, but I'm sleeping in the bedroom that you two used when we came here for the weekend. I'm tired of feeling lonely, tired of having nothing but my thoughts to keep me company."

"Max…," Ryan said, his eyes sad at the hurt tone in his daughter's voice.

"I love you so much, Dad, but I'm not happy here. I feel so dead inside sometimes," Max put a hand to her chest and sniffled, "I-I'm scared of what I might do, Dad. I'm only 17, but I feel so much older and I'm tired all the time. I spend almost every night in that little shack out back because at least it's a single room to myself and not an entire house."

"I know it has been rough, kiddo. I'm not going to say it hasn't," Ryan said, leaning forward in his seat to put a reassuring hand on Max's knee, "When work calms down and I get situated, I will be home more. I promise."

"That's not good enough," Max choked out, leaning into Chloe's side, "I'm sorry but it's not. I don't want to break your heart, but it is the only way. I want to live with Chloe, Dad. I _need_ to. This weekend has been kinda crazy, but I feel genuinely good for a change and I can't wait for the next time I'm able to see her. She's my rock, Dad, what helps keep me standing."

Max looked over at Chloe and nearly cries at the sight of her girlfriend gazing at her with tears running down her face. The brilliance of Chloe's eyes captured Max and she leaned her forehead against the bluenette's.

"Chloe, I love you so much," Max said, her voice nearly a whisper, "You've done so much for me. You walked away from everything while I… while I was c-catatonic…"

"Max…" Chloe's voice sounded incredibly fragile to Max and she put a finger to her girlfriend's lips.

"You want what you feel is best for me and you know me so well. But I've changed, and we both know that. No no, Che, don't cry. Nothing's wrong," Max cooed as she wiped at Chloe's tears with her thumb. "I'm not saying anything bad, Baby Blue. I'm just saying that if I move in with you and Joyce that it will be on my own terms. I _want_ this, okay? I want to live with you. I-I want to spend the rest of my life with you, just like I know you want to do the same with me."

"I really do, Max," Chloe said, leaning down so that she could bump her forehead against Max's. "I don't think I could stand losing you again, babe." The girls pulled one another into a tight hug, Max's face nestled in Chloe's left arm as the bluenette rested her chin on the top of Max's head.

"You really want this?" Ryan asked, Max peering out from Chloe's arm. Max nodded. "Girls… Let me talk with Joyce in private, okay?"

Max and Chloe got up, hand in hand, and headed out the front door.

 **December 1, 2012**

"She here yet?" Chloe asked from the spare bedroom and smirked when she heard Joyce sigh from the hallway as a reply.

"Chloe, you asked that five minutes ago," Joyce drawled with a chuckle. "It's not like she isn't coming, hun."

"I know, I know. It's just… It's been _weeks_ , Mom."

"As opposed to four years?"

"Mom, this is so fucking different."

"I know, kiddo. I know. Just… Will you promise that you and Max will _try_ to keep it down?"

" _Mom,_ ugh!" Chloe winced and stuck her tongue out in mild disgust. "No, no talking about _that_ with parental figures!"

The sound of someone knocking on the door could be heard from upstairs and Chloe nearly ran Joyce over as she sprinted out of the room she was getting ready for Max's arrival. A little smaller than her own bedroom, the spare room had been a storage space until she had returned with her mom to Arcadia Bay triumphant. Chloe had danced on her bed for what felt like hours, smoking a celebratory joint with Sparklehorse playing on her old stereo. Now, weeks later, the time had finally come for Max to actually move in and Chloe hadn't slept in two days from the anxiousness. Opening the door with a jubilant grin, Chloe's enthusiasm deflated a bit when she saw a smiling Kate and smirking Victoria standing in front of her.

"She here yet?" Kate asked excitedly as she tried to peer over Chloe's shoulder, Victoria putting a palm to her face in exasperation before letting a chuckle escape. Hearing the faint mirth from behind her, Kate pouted and poked Victoria in the shoulder, "You said you'd be nice."

"I _am_ being nice, Katie," Victoria said, smiling as she leaned in and gave Kate a kiss. "I'm always nice."

"Always nice, huh?" Chloe interjected, crossing her arms as Kate blushed and began to fidget under the bluenette's scrutiny. "Where's the niceness for me, 'Icky Vicky'?"

"Eat a dick, you blue turd," Victoria said with a groan before both she and Chloe snickered. Chloe reached over and gave both girls a hug. "So… _Is_ she here yet?"

"Fuck, dude, I wish she were!" Chloe exclaimed as she led the girls inside. "This waiting shit has fucking depleted my stash."

The three girls headed upstairs, Victoria and Kate hugging Joyce before they joined Chloe in what would be Max's bedroom. The air was a little dusty, Chloe having only just finished preparing the space for her girlfriend. While unseasonably warmer than usual, the air outside was still cool enough that Chloe kept the window shut. _Max likes the cold, but that doesn't mean she needs to live in a fucking refrigerator._ Grabbing the broom and dustpan she'd been using only a few minutes ago, Chloe finished sweeping as Kate held the trash bag open. The two girls put the cleaning supplies back in the closet next to Max's room and Chloe left the bag out in the hallway before closing the bedroom door behind her.

"Man, I am hella wiped. I haven't slept for days," Chloe said, pulling her beanie off so that she would wipe at her forehead with it. "You two want anything to drink? I've got a killer thirst."

"Some water would be fine," Kate said, looking over at Victoria as the other girl was preoccupied with typing on her phone. When Kate elbowed Victoria, the short-haired blonde looked up in alarm as she pressed her phone to her chest.

"You got any Coke?" Victoria asked hurriedly, looking back down at her phone as she continued typing once more.

Chloe rolled her eyes, gave both girls a sarcastic bow, and headed out the small bedroom and down the stairs. _Shit._ Do _we have any Coke? Max likes cherry-flavored soda, so that's all I bought. Maybe Mom has diet Coke or something like that. It's not like Victoria would notice, so long as I put it in a glass or whatever._ Opening the fridge, Chloe began to look around for the soda. Weaving her hands between containers of leftovers and ingredients for various Price family meals, Chloe couldn't get the grin to leave her face at the fact that Max was going to be living with her from now on.

Max and Chloe had stood on the porch of the Caulfields' home for half an hour or so when Ryan had called them back inside. Neither girl had spoken while outside; Max had just let herself be held, eyes closed, against Chloe's chest. Chloe had taken her beanie off to put it on Max's partly-shaved head, having felt the diminutive brunette shiver against her. _Maybe not the best time to try something like a sidecut, Mad Max_ , Chloe had thought.

"Girls?" Ryan had called out from inside, "You can come on back in, if you're ready."

Chloe had led Max by the hand as they went back inside, taking their seats on the couch. Chloe had looked at her mom, then at Ryan, and felt a jolt of worry nag at her when she couldn't read their faces. _Please say yes, please say yes, please say yes_ was the only thing Chloe could think of as she felt Max's grip tighten on her hand.

"We talked it over," Ryan had said, nodding toward Joyce, Chloe's mother nodding in return, "…and, while I'm a little-"

"You said _yes_?!" Chloe had blurted out, Ryan's shoulders slumping as he nodded with a small grin on his face. "Holy fuck, Max! You're moving in with me, babe!"

"Chloe!" Joyce admonished, though the smile on her face couldn't hide how she felt at seeing her daughter so happy. "You could at least let Ryan finish…"

Ryan Caulfield had chuckled and Joyce had shook her head with a grin on her face as both girls had stopped paying them any attention. Max and Chloe sat on the couch, clutching onto each other fiercely as they both laughed and cried from the sheer happiness they felt.

"Mom?" Chloe called out, unable to find Joyce's diet soda, "Mom, where's the Coke at? Mom-"

"Hey, Baby Blue," a voice cut the bluenette off and Chloe froze where she stood. "I'm home."

Feeling a pair of small arms wrap around her waist, Chloe had to stop herself from crying as Max leaned up against her from behind, the smaller girl standing on her tip-toes to kiss the nape of Chloe's neck. Control of her body coming back to her, the bluenette sluggishly turned in her girlfriend's arms and looked down at a smiling Max Caulfield.

"You've been crying," Chloe whispered, struggling to bring her thoughts out of the shock she currently felt. "How'd…? You… You okay?"

"Dad was pretty sad, but he knows I'm only an hour away. Not like I won't visit a bunch, but yeah. Pretty sad," Max nodded before pulling Chloe closer to her, "I missed you so much, Che. Honest to Dog, I thought this day would never fucking get here."

"Dude, i-it was only two weeks," Chloe stammered, but realized her relief was obvious when Max looked up at her with a quirked eyebrow. " _Ugh_. Okay, so maybe I felt the same way…"

"Vic told me you haven't slept in days, Che."

"How the fuck did you… That bitch! It was _you_ she was upstairs texting, wasn't it?" When Max looked away with an expression of feigned innocence, Chloe smirked and shook her head. "S'fine, I guess. Fucking text Victoria but not the girl you're moving in with-"

"Hey!" Max replied, looking Chloe in the eye as she playfully grabbed Chloe's ass, "I _wanted_ to surprise you, you _ass_."

"Fucking jerk."

"Fucking asshole."

"Nerd."

"Dork."

"Hippie."

"Bitch."

"Oh, how dare you?" Chloe said teasingly, putting a hand to her chest in mock surprise. When Max responded by kissing the back of said hand, Chloe leaned down kissed Max passionately. Chloe let Max push her up against the fridge and let out a faint moan when the brunette squeezed her ass.

"Fuck, Max. I missed you," Chloe let out in a breathy voice, "Welcome home."

"It's good to be home," Max said, a smile on her face as she stood on her tip-toes, Chloe's arms wrapping around her as the sound of Kate and Victoria giggling could be heard from the stairway.

 **Author's Note -**

 **I had thought about the NSFW scene and it was originally** _ **far longer**_ **than the one you are reading. Asking my friend Lyta Halifax (the writer formerly known here as HugoCogs) for advice, however, brought up something that had been nagging at me as I wrote it – Max is in an uncertain place in her life right now, the only person seeming to keep her stable being Chloe. Is she ready to be intimate with Chloe again, let alone something as intense as experimenting with BDSM?**

 **The answer is no. I felt that it would be better for the story overall to have Max** _ **try**_ **rather than succeed; narrative progression outweighed fan service. Sorry for those looking forward to super-smut. You'll just have to wait, I guess…**

 **So, Max is in Arcadia Bay now. Livin' with Chloe. Oh – Victoria and Kate are also an item now, eheheh. :)**

 **I'm fucking beat – haven't really done two chapters with over 10,000 in one week for some time. Hope you enjoyed The World I Used To Know.**

 **I plan on finishing Fighters before I pursue any other lengthy stories. A chapter a week with one or two smaller stories also uploaded. Punk Max in the game's primary universe with Punk Chloe = BOOM, never mind that Rachel is Chloe's friend in the canon timeline and Max's foster sister in the Fighter's timeline.**

 **NOT DONE WITH THIS STORYLINE YET. JUST GOING BACK TO FIGHTERS SO I CAN TYPE THE REMAINING CHAPTERS.**

 **Heh ;)**

 **Read, review, and I'll see you later!**

 **Stay hella, Cinnamon Rolls!**


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